Ya Gotta Love Beth Moore

I have always wanted to be good at journaling. But I'm not. I start and then I stop and then I lose the journal. And then I find it 2 years later and throw it away. I am drawn to cute notebooks and stationary but then it just takes up space in our already cluttered house.

When we first brought home the twins every day was a challenge. I would wake up in the morning and I felt like I had to mentally plan out my battle plan of surviving 4 small children. I needed a pick me up, a morning OOMPH to get me going and I knew what I really needed was Gods Word. So I started looking for a good morning devotional but nothing really caught my eye.

I stumbled upon this devotional and I instantly thought it would be a good match. It's a devotional and journal in one which is exactly what I was looking for. The devotions are just 2 pages but insightful and thought provoking. They include scripture and point you to areas to read in your own Bible. It was perfect. Lo and behold it was written by the southern queen of bible study Ms. Beth Moore. Ya Gotta Love Beth Moore!

It's been a few weeks and I am really enjoying it. Its based on her book Get Out of That Pit and really focuses on Psalms 40. I love that it really emphasizes how God will provide for us and that our struggles are not in vain.

Most importantly it is biblically sound and its the perfect way to start your day as a busy mama.

Always,
Jesi

My Prayer Peeps

It's late at night and tomorrow Max and I leave for Dallas/Ft Worth so I wanted to post before we are gone. I am attending TS on Tour *which I am SUPER duper excited for* and Max is spending the weekend with my dad, stepmom and little brother Ty. I made the distinct mistake of telling him today that we were going to see Grandpa Lloyd, Grandma JuJu and Uncle Ty and he has been hollering at me ALL day about Ty. Everytime our silly dog barks he screams TY's HERE! Tomorrow is not a concept he is familiar with.

Tonight was the last night of The Temple study that we were doing in my womens bible study. Natalie really went above and beyond to make tonight special and connect all the dots for us ladies. It was a beautiful night of reflection and as I sat and looked around the room I felt a keen sense of connectedness with the ladies around me. It was a true picture of the body of Christ. All different people, personalities, looks, sizes, shapes, colors, struggles, hurts, joys, backgrounds, family situations and perceptions. But we are united in Christ. He joins us together and seeing tear filled eyes around me I knew that as women we often struggle with the SAME things. No matter of our size, background and history, we are bonded by our gender. I love what Natalie said about the devil. 1) We are not stupid and 2) he is not original. That is so so true. he is NOT original and he uses the SAME tools and tricks and lies against all of us women day in and day out. Recognizing his lies and deciphering God's TRUTH for our lives is so important.

I just wanted to say thank you to my prayer peeps. We talked about this tonight too, surrounding yourself with people who you can call/email/text/facebook and say I need prayer! People we can be vulnerable with and let our guards down for true support.

So here are mine.

Rob
My awesome husband. He knows exactly who I am and loves me despite seeing my ugliest truths and most unbecoming inner secrets. I know if I need his love and support, his shoulder or his ear he is ALWAYS there.

My Momma
I love my momma. My mom is strong, helpful, encouraging and faithful. She reminds me that we are on the right track and that we are right to trust in Him. She is my biggest cheerleader and my most honest supporter. I love her and I covet her prayers.

Kera Don
My "lil" is a true blessing to me. Her raw emotions and openness to share her struggles allow me to be the mentor that God desires I be. I can be 100% honest with her and I never ever feel weird, judged or freakish. She is the best.

Summer
My dear dear friend. She shares a name with Stella (her first name is Catherine and Stella's mn will be Katherine) and I couldn't think of a better person to honor. She is smart, kind and seriously seriously a steadfast support to me. She is always understanding, always available and always goes above and beyond for our friendship.

Savanah
My oldest, nearest and dearest. Sweet Savanah is loved around the world but I still feel like I get a special tiny place in her heart that is just for me and mine. I love that about her. We are too busy to spend as much time together as we would like but I adore that it never matters. I can call her bawling my head off and she will stop me right there and pray for me. She is never too busy to pray for me and I don't hesitate to know that she thinks of me and prays for me often. I love knowing I have such a woman of faith in my corner and petitioning God for me.

My Stepmom
Also known as Grandma JuJu, Julia was a big influence on my decision to become a Christ follower and she has never stopped encouraging me. She tells me when God places me on her heart and she follows through when she tells you that she is praying for you. She is filled with His words and His wisdom.

Katrina
My boss' loverly wife Katrina is ah-mazing. She is so intelligent and filled up with Him that I have really loved gleaning from her. She might be surprised to be on this list but she shouldn't be, because if I need prayer I know one ah-mazing prayer mama I am turning to and it's her.

Codie
My twinsie, we aren't sisters but we might as well be. Codie is so amazingly honest that you don't have to feel awkward about your own shortcomings and struggles. She is smart, hilarious and she turns a serious conversation into a laughfest, still always being a loving encouraging openminded faithful friend. She is no doubt one of the first people that I can call on in a time of need and I know she would answer. She just rocks. My socks off.

Jackie
aka my Armymomma! Jackie was my deployment buddy when Rob was gone and I have LOVED LOVED LOVED being able to pray for her through our experiences. She is so graced by faith and determination and I adore that we share a belief system and a strong reliance on our Heavenly Father to carry us through the days that we cannot seem to stand on our own. love. jackie. period.

HeatherS
My sweet momma friend. Heather is so amazing at filling my life with friendship. I told Rob the other day I am going to be such a bawlbag when she packs up and leaves me. (dang military) Heather is everything I could ask for in a friend and I am so thankful that He intersected our paths in this time. We sorta need eachother in a way that only military mommas understand.

So those are my prayer peeps. The ones I love. The ones I know I can call on. Thank you for being the bestest people I could ever surround myself with. I am so grateful for each of you.

Love,
Jesi

Slamming Doors

First off after I posted about waiting I heard this song by John Waller and I LOVED it for those who are currently in a season of waiting.

While I'm Waiting

In other news God keeps slamming doors shut and I am figuring out how to accept it and be grateful. There is a LONG backstory but essentially there is something in my life that has been an up and down journey. At one point it even became an idol to me. I hate admitting that but I am sure we all have those things. We talked about it in Bible Study this week and Natalie really encouraged us to be open to asking God to reveal ANYTHING that might be an idol to us. If you don't know what I am talking about I would say you should investigate if something is an idol for you if it causes neglect from your relationship with God and/or you lack neccesary restraint when it comes to that matter.

So it was an interesting study for me. I already pinpointed this thing as an idol for my life several years ago. Thankfully and painfully God pretty much ripped it from my life. It left me shaken and upset and there are fragile threads that remain from that situation. Looking back I am so THANKFUL that He removed it for me because I don't know that I would ever be where I am today in my personal relationship with Him if not for that painful encounter.

BUT there are still some emotionally jagged edges that remain. And try and try as I might I can't help but feel the cuts sometimes. It's a matter of pride really. My human nature feels a great deal of painful rejection and self examination each time He slams shut a door regarding this thing. It's hard. I can sit here and feel two emotions at the same time. Logically I know that when I toe the line it does me NO good. I cannot sit here and say that I could be involved again without letting it become idolatry again. So why would I seek that? Thank you Lord for taking away the opportunity for something to become jammed between us once again.

In the same moments I feel hurt. I feel like I did everything right and by the book and fantastically on paper. There is no logical reason for the rejection. But it still happens over and over and over again. Oh yeah, that's God slamming those doors for me. But it still hurts a little.

It's a molding process. He is shaping me and taking away things that are not of Him and not drawing me closer to Him. I am so grateful for that despite the pain.

"This world has nothing for me and this world has everything

All that I could want and nothing that I need
This world has nothing for me and this world has everything

All that I could want and nothing that I need"
This World by Caedmon's Call

For His Glory

Can I just say that I LOVE my Womens Bible Study. It has seriously been exactly what I needed. I wish that my thoughts after each week were more cohesive. I know I blabber on and on and you probably don't even understand what I am trying to get at. But that's ok. It's really a work between me and Him and that is why I sit down to write it out. I want to remember and reflect on the things that He is revealing to me. And by golly this blog is where that's gonna happen.

I talked a little bit about it before but I have been really pressed on to focus on the mind games and all the head junk that go along with my struggles with a healthy body. Well when God opened that lovely door to this Bible Study He knew exactly where he was sending me.

I want to talk more about that but I first I want to talk about last week.

Let me be honest. It's been over a week since last weeks study and my brain is a little foggy. And that's ok because what I DO remember is probably one of the most important things that Natalie touched on.

God always ALWAYS always reveals HIS glory before He reveals his character.

What the heck does that mean?

Well in the Bible we read a lot of stories regarding the tabernacle in which He literally would bring down His glory before He would reveal WHO he WAS to those people. We're talking heavy clouds of glory or flames, or fires. Now that is some glory. Only after that would He let the people know who He was. A good God, a kind God, a God deserving of our praise. But first yall, He was sure to let us know exactly how glorious He is. Glory first-character second.

We don't get that these days. We don't see a cloud press down on the sky before God booms out who He is. But nothing has changed. God is in it for His Glory. We as his temple are here to proclaim HIS glory. Not our own. It's really not about us. It's not about our pride, our strengths, our struggles, our successes, our preferences, our comfort or discomfort. It's about bringing Glory to HIM.

I started thinking about how much our life has changed in the past year. We have made some BIG decisions as a family. Probably the biggest is that we decided that I would quit my job to stay at home with Max and return to VSA working part time. We prayed about it and thought about it and analyzed it and we finally decided that was the best thing for us. Well it has been. I love being home with Max. I love that we are being gifted with Stella and that it's welcome and wonderful because we don't have to fear spending two thousand dollars per month on childcare. I love that I get to snuggle with my baby boy in the mornings and that my house is fairing better and that I get to do things for Rob that I might not have done before. I love those things and I am so grateful that we sought God on that decision. That He led us to this place. That essentially He ok'd our plan and we have been blessed and provided for over and over again.

But it's not about US. It's not about any of that.

If God is truly interested in His glory then HE ALLOWED us to be in this situation because it brings more Glory to HIM.

What brings more glory to God? Our family having two working parents, me making a pretty good income with some cushy perks and a cool title but hating the day to day grind. OR me staying at home with our kiddos, pretty dang poor on paper yet ALWAYS provided for, ALWAYS blessed, everything ALWAYS working out in our favor. In which of those situations does the Glory fall to Him? From my opened eyes I feel like THAT is why I am staying at home. Yes I love Max and I love being at home and I love not dreading Monday mornings. But what I really love is people wondering how the heck we can swing it? How does that work? We have everything we need and often more. But if you looked at our income on paper you would probably laugh and think we are crazy. We KNOW that all things are provided for us because of our faithfulness to tithe and our belief in His provisions. So to people who do not understand those things our life NOW is a testimony to His faithfulness. Our life now reflects back to Him. Our life now doesn't always afford us the luxury of extra. But our life now ALWAY affords us the luxury of pointing the glory back to Him. And that's what He is all about. His Glory.


To God Alone be the Glory.
Jesi

God is cool. *a very long post*

Well you might already know that but I'm just sayin.

Last night I met my sister in law Danielle to attend a womens bible study that is through our newer church. Something that was really important to me in changing churches was that we get more connected and form more relationships within the church. Unfortunately we haven't been able to connect with a life group because our schedule is a little crazy. Since I quit my job I work at VSA on Monday and Tuesday evenings so those nights are out. Then Wednesdays Rob had class. So our only family nights were Thursday and Friday plus the weekends BUT I do  have a thriving business with Tastefully Simple and you guessed it...thursdays, fridays and saturdays are my prime days for parties. So needless to say it was difficult to find a day that worked.

So when a new bible study started on Wednesday nights and Robs school schedule changed I decided I *might* try it out. You know the feeling. You think it's exactly what you need but you sorta drag your feet for no good reason and hesitate to commit because your life is overcommitted as it is.

Well last night I had all the reasons not to go. Because Max hadn't napped a wink all day and then I took him to a 2 hour playdate with our friends Heather and her daughter, ahem, I mean Max's girlfriend. He was exhausted and a TOTAL crankpot by the time we made it home.

The temperature was dropping and I had on darn cute flats without socks.

The good news is I had already extended the invitation to Danielle and she wanted to go so God did a neat little job of roping me into it despite my reservations and plain ol laziness.

WOW. I love when He does that. Because He normally does that when there are really good things involved.

When we arrived I recognized Natalie right away. Pretty easy since I have been reading her blog for the past two years. Lonnnnnnnng story short my friend Julie works at our church. Natalie and her husband led a lifegroup that Julie and her husband Trevor were a part of. So I knew of them through the grapevine. Julie recommended that I read Cindy Beall's blog because she rocks so I did and on her link love I found Natalies blog and have been reading both of them for awhile now. The blog bug bit me hard when Rob was deployed so I found a lot of great blogs.

Anywhoo, Cindy was there too along with lots of other women that I recognize from church and a few unfamiliar faces. Last connection of the day is that ANOTHER amazing blogger that I get the privilege of knowing in real life is Andi Hawkins who is also known as the Running Mama and she and Cindy have reconnected through the blogosphere as well. Shewwwwww, I tell you all that just because I think it's pretty cool how God is invested in the details and the connecting points of our lives.

Ok the REAL reason I say that God is cool was because of the subject matter. I had no idea walking in what we were going to be studying. Natalie quickly explained that our first 5 weeks were going to be focused on studying the tabernacle of the Old Testament and the temple of the New Testament. I have read these verses before, I mean it's pretty common subject matter that we are the temple of God in the New Testament and I have looked and read and thought about those verses frequently in the past two years as I have focused on my health.

But NEVER had I studied the tabernacle in the Old Testament. I have probably skipped over the talk of the tabernacle in Exodus many times because let's get real, it's long and it's very detailed. And if you aren't correlating it to the TEMPLE of the New Testament aka US then its a little tedious to read. What Natalie did an awesome job of doing was opening my eyes to was the care, attention, and love that God put into the details of the O.T. tabernacle. Then when you STOP and think that same care, attention and love is exactly what he wants for us as his TEMPLE then it takes on a WHOLE NEW FREAKIN COOL meaning.

Where it really really really hit home though was that the past few weeks God has been working on my heart about my health, ahem, again. It seemed like a weird time for that to be on my heart because um yeah I am pregnant. It's not the time I can go start a new routine or cut my calories or whatever. But I knew that there was a definite calling going on to spend time thinking about my health. I knew it wasn't a call to do something physical but rather emotional and mental. I am TIRED of not feeling healthy. I am TIRED of the condemnation *eh eh Natalie* that I have felt about my weight struggles. But what can I do about it when I have 18 more weeks of baby growing going on?

THIS. This study is EXACTLY what I can do while I grow baby Stella. I can study and read and learn and roll around and relish reading the details of God's care for the tabernacle and then I can sit and let Him smack me in the head while I realize that THIS IS WHY WE ARE THE TEMPLE. AND THIS IS WHY WE HAVE BEEN CALLED TO TREAT OURSELVES AS SUCH. AND THIS IS WHY I CANNOT MOVE FORWARD UNTIL I FIGURE IT ALL OUT!

I am too excited to go back and read and edit this gigantically long post. I just had to write it out because although you might be completely confused and see no connection whatsoever I felt like God played connect the dots with me last night. Ding, Ding, Ding, I get it. And I am so thankful that I went last night.

God is cool.
Jesi