So, we are 4 days in now. Four days into Rob actually being home with us. For good! And not just for a temporary R&R.
It's been wonderful and scary. Wonderful in all the moments where everything feels right. And scary when we think about everything we have gone through. Rob is doing well with readjusting...but even doing well there is still just that. Readjustment.
Some of the things that he is dealing with are trouble sleeping, trouble falling asleep, loss of memory and concentration and being easily irritable. I haven't seen any signs of the easily irritability part, and for that I am so thankful.
Just these few, very normal symptoms of readjustment made me think about what happens when soldiers return with true and severe PTSD. Post Tramautic Stress Disorder is a very serious condition and many of our soldiers are returning with symptoms ranging from those above, to serious withdrawal from familes, spouses and even themselves. Sometimes the normal world just seems too much to cope with.
Just in Rob's very normal readjustment, I feel a tad bit overwhelmed. I want everything to be fine, I want him to be happy and healthy and completely home. Rob has always had an uncanny ability to switch off and on between his civilian life and his military life. So this subtle readjustment is a bit scary. I know in my head that it has to be a lot, to come home to a rambunctious one year old and a crazy wife. But in my heart I just want everything to be normal.
The best thing is that I recognize this as another opportunity. If Rob had a completely perfect homecoming and reintegration, how could I empathize with the wife who deals with a husband who seems completely different, ravaged by the mind game that is PTSD. I know that we will be fine, that Rob is being honest with me and talking me through how he is feeling about everything and I am so grateful for that. Talking is one of the best things that could be happening right now. And he has no trouble expressing his love and appreciation to me and Max and that is a true gift. So I know that God is showing me just glimpses of what the other wife feels like, when she can't reach inside her husbands head and heart and bring him back to what he was.
Just another opportunity to learn about what it truly means to be a military wife and mommy...to learn about the sacrifices we risk, to learn about God's safety when we are fearful.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a soldier with PTSD there is valuable information at this link, http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp Remember, this is not your fault. Nothing that you did or didn't do CAUSED this. Cling to the hand of your heavenly Father when you are fearful. Pray for healing for your husband, believe in God's word over his life. And seek support and help from the plethora of resources out there for you and your soldier. Normal reintegration and PTSD are nothing to be ashamed of.
Always,
Jesi
Psalm 27:3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear.
Showing posts with label Homecoming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Homecoming. Show all posts
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The Finale
Well, I know my loyal secret readers are eagerly awaiting my Homecoming story so I came out of my reclusive fog to share a bit with you.
Monday morning, I woke up at the crack of dawn, after just a few hours sleep. Max and I decided that 5:30AM would do just fine; after all it was finally here. We were just hours from picking up Daddy!
Off we went, coffee in hand, my parents driving along, and multiple cameras in tow. I decided to wear a cute outfit, new jeans, and a favorite shirt. No dress for me, I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around a dress and heels at the crack of dawn. We got to the college where we were supposed to wait, and wait we did.
Rob’s aunt, his sister and some of his friends made it too. All sitting, and waiting, and laughing at a sleepy Max as my stomach flipped flopped with the nerves that always show up. Finally we heard what we wanted to know, “your soldiers are on the other side of this wall” and the crowd erupted in cheers.
And in they marched, some full of pride and boasting as they waved and smiled, some marching in, just another day to them. Rob walked in finally, chewing gum and looking somber...my tired love. Tired of waiting, tired of travel and tired of dealing with inconsiderate guys who don’t understand how to process homecoming.
Tired and somber, doesn’t matter to me. He looked wonderful, in the uniform and boots that have graced his slimmer figure for months on end. We listened to lots of important reminders, announcements and some lovely accolades but I didn’t hear a thing. I craned and strained to see my love through the crowd, Max on my hip, sleepy from his early wake up call.
Finally, a call to attention and release to their families, a salute for a job well done and off they went. We crowded the floor, eager to see one another and remember how it feels to be together again. I caught Rob’s eye before I touched him. So I waited as we pushed through the sea of chaos and finally.
He was there, I was there, Max was there. A simple hug, a simple smile, a simple kiss. And a lot of pictures.
Hello again, you’re home. And it was wonderful.
I wish I could say the next few hours and days were filled with extraordinary moments but they weren’t. They were filled with tender embraces, laughter and normalcy, creeping back in minute by minute. We are in transition now. Remembering how to be together, reminding ourselves that this is our normal and figuring out how to function as three instead of two. So far, smooth sailing. But readjustment can be scary...because everything that should be the same has changed and things are different now. You have to learn what that means, and you realize that you are entering yet another, New Normal. We are on our way...to our new normal. Taking it day by day, remembering to embrace the changes and cherish the moments...the simplest and most mundane moments, in remembrance of what we lost and what we have to gain. And even in the moments where we question everything that has happened, are you really home? Is this temporary? Is it really over? The smallest whisper, “I love you and I am so glad to be home” makes everything perfect.
For we are on our way, taking it day by day.
Always,
Jesi
Monday morning, I woke up at the crack of dawn, after just a few hours sleep. Max and I decided that 5:30AM would do just fine; after all it was finally here. We were just hours from picking up Daddy!
Off we went, coffee in hand, my parents driving along, and multiple cameras in tow. I decided to wear a cute outfit, new jeans, and a favorite shirt. No dress for me, I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around a dress and heels at the crack of dawn. We got to the college where we were supposed to wait, and wait we did.
Rob’s aunt, his sister and some of his friends made it too. All sitting, and waiting, and laughing at a sleepy Max as my stomach flipped flopped with the nerves that always show up. Finally we heard what we wanted to know, “your soldiers are on the other side of this wall” and the crowd erupted in cheers.
And in they marched, some full of pride and boasting as they waved and smiled, some marching in, just another day to them. Rob walked in finally, chewing gum and looking somber...my tired love. Tired of waiting, tired of travel and tired of dealing with inconsiderate guys who don’t understand how to process homecoming.
Tired and somber, doesn’t matter to me. He looked wonderful, in the uniform and boots that have graced his slimmer figure for months on end. We listened to lots of important reminders, announcements and some lovely accolades but I didn’t hear a thing. I craned and strained to see my love through the crowd, Max on my hip, sleepy from his early wake up call.
Finally, a call to attention and release to their families, a salute for a job well done and off they went. We crowded the floor, eager to see one another and remember how it feels to be together again. I caught Rob’s eye before I touched him. So I waited as we pushed through the sea of chaos and finally.
He was there, I was there, Max was there. A simple hug, a simple smile, a simple kiss. And a lot of pictures.
Hello again, you’re home. And it was wonderful.
I wish I could say the next few hours and days were filled with extraordinary moments but they weren’t. They were filled with tender embraces, laughter and normalcy, creeping back in minute by minute. We are in transition now. Remembering how to be together, reminding ourselves that this is our normal and figuring out how to function as three instead of two. So far, smooth sailing. But readjustment can be scary...because everything that should be the same has changed and things are different now. You have to learn what that means, and you realize that you are entering yet another, New Normal. We are on our way...to our new normal. Taking it day by day, remembering to embrace the changes and cherish the moments...the simplest and most mundane moments, in remembrance of what we lost and what we have to gain. And even in the moments where we question everything that has happened, are you really home? Is this temporary? Is it really over? The smallest whisper, “I love you and I am so glad to be home” makes everything perfect.
For we are on our way, taking it day by day.
Always,
Jesi
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