What is harder than grocery shopping alone?
Sick babies.
Ugg, I hate when Max is sick. And sick he is this week. You can check out my awesome math skills over on my personal blog (click on my profile to get there) In the middle of the night when Rob fetched the meds and took the early morning shift I was so so thankful to have him home.
If you have a sick baby and your husband is deployed, chances are A) You end up crying in the recliner B) You get sick yourself C) You curse your plight as a Military Mommy with a deployed husband D) All of the above
Even though the sick days are so, so, so hard they do present us with another opportunity to rely more fully on our God. When Max came down with hand, foot and mouth and was up EVERY HOUR, I distinctly remember sitting in his nursery, crying my eyes out to God, begging for Him to show me why we had to go through such adversity, crying out to feel Him near me.
And I did, feel Him near me. He was so, so, so close to me in those moments. Even when the darkness and sick days threaten to overtake you, draw close to Him. He is right there waiting for you. Sitting with you. Wiping your tears. Loving you. Protecting you. Holding your sick child.
Ergh, sick days are tough. I wish you very few this flu season. And today, I just want you to know that I am praying for your husbands, your babies, and you. Leave a comment so I can spend some time praying for your family.
And Thank you. Thank you for every sick night when you sacrifice the help of your husband so that mine can be home for a time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Always,
Jesi
Showing posts with label Sleepless Nights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleepless Nights. Show all posts
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
It Could Be Me
(I want to write a disclaimer, for those who don’t want to hear the really tough stuff. But I can’t think of the words to express myself appropriately, I talk about the death of a soldier in this post so if you need to guard your heart against this post, I understand. Completely understand. Unfortunately this is our reality as Military wives and mommies. So I guess this is the best disclaimer I have)
Last night, I got ready for bed. But before I headed that way I felt the distinct pull of my computer screen so I scrolled through a few blogs. I frequently read a blog called Brandi and Boys from a pastor’s wife in Tennessee. For some reason, I just like this family, even though I have only encountered them through my screen. After reading Brandi’s blog, I went to Pete’s (her husband) and he had posted a video of him roughhousing with their three boys. Three little boys were thrown around and as they screamed and giggled and threw themselves back at their daddy, I cried.
I cried. And they weren’t really tears of joy or sadness but a mix of both. I cried because I haven’t gotten to see Rob throw Max around and hear Max scream in delight. We have missed that and it BROKE my heart last night. I sat and I cried for us missing those moments this past year.
I cried tears of joy, because we are DAYS, DAYS yall, away from Rob being home with us...and even though this year was incredibly difficult, challenging and gut wrenchingly painful at moments, we are almost done. We are almost finished, and in just a few days I will get to sit back and laugh as my husband throws around our child and hear their squeals of delight.
I cried tears of sadness. As I listened to K-Love yesterday I heard a testimony shared. A woman was speaking. She was expressing her thankfulness for the ministry that K-LOVE provides. She was so thankful because that music had helped carry her through when she didn’t think she could take another step. Her husband was killed in Iraq just two months after she recommitted her life to Christ. And she was expressing her thanks for songs like Bring the Rain and Praise You in This Storm. Songs that carried me through our deployment, that gave me comfort when I didn’t think I could make it through another day. But I did make it, and Rob did too. He is back in the United States, waiting to come home, but no longer in the vulnerable war zone that we learned to accept as a part of our story.
That could be me. I could be watching my boys wrestle and play, I could be crying tears of overwhelming pain, I could be, I could be, I could be.
I cried a mix of tears last night. For what we missed, for what we are blessed with, for what is yet to come, that we have a yet to come, for those who were not so lucky, for those who gave their lives for you and me and our safety, for their wives and mothers and children who won’t get to sit back and watch as the boys wrestle and rough house. I grieved for my loss, praised God for Rob’s safety and grieved for everyone who has lost someone.
It was a strange mix of tears that left me in a strange place. And I’m still not sure how I feel about it in the light of morning. Death and Life all mixed together in my tears.
Always,
John 11:35 Jesus Wept.
Last night, I got ready for bed. But before I headed that way I felt the distinct pull of my computer screen so I scrolled through a few blogs. I frequently read a blog called Brandi and Boys from a pastor’s wife in Tennessee. For some reason, I just like this family, even though I have only encountered them through my screen. After reading Brandi’s blog, I went to Pete’s (her husband) and he had posted a video of him roughhousing with their three boys. Three little boys were thrown around and as they screamed and giggled and threw themselves back at their daddy, I cried.
I cried. And they weren’t really tears of joy or sadness but a mix of both. I cried because I haven’t gotten to see Rob throw Max around and hear Max scream in delight. We have missed that and it BROKE my heart last night. I sat and I cried for us missing those moments this past year.
I cried tears of joy, because we are DAYS, DAYS yall, away from Rob being home with us...and even though this year was incredibly difficult, challenging and gut wrenchingly painful at moments, we are almost done. We are almost finished, and in just a few days I will get to sit back and laugh as my husband throws around our child and hear their squeals of delight.
I cried tears of sadness. As I listened to K-Love yesterday I heard a testimony shared. A woman was speaking. She was expressing her thankfulness for the ministry that K-LOVE provides. She was so thankful because that music had helped carry her through when she didn’t think she could take another step. Her husband was killed in Iraq just two months after she recommitted her life to Christ. And she was expressing her thanks for songs like Bring the Rain and Praise You in This Storm. Songs that carried me through our deployment, that gave me comfort when I didn’t think I could make it through another day. But I did make it, and Rob did too. He is back in the United States, waiting to come home, but no longer in the vulnerable war zone that we learned to accept as a part of our story.
That could be me. I could be watching my boys wrestle and play, I could be crying tears of overwhelming pain, I could be, I could be, I could be.
I cried a mix of tears last night. For what we missed, for what we are blessed with, for what is yet to come, that we have a yet to come, for those who were not so lucky, for those who gave their lives for you and me and our safety, for their wives and mothers and children who won’t get to sit back and watch as the boys wrestle and rough house. I grieved for my loss, praised God for Rob’s safety and grieved for everyone who has lost someone.
It was a strange mix of tears that left me in a strange place. And I’m still not sure how I feel about it in the light of morning. Death and Life all mixed together in my tears.
Always,
John 11:35 Jesus Wept.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Day everything changed
May 2008, 7 Months into Our Deployment,
Excerpted from "Military Mommy, Finding Faith and Surviving Motherhood when Daddy's Deployed"
Max had been sick with a nasty fever and he was simply not sleeping. I later realized that it was hand, foot and mouth which he caught from some germy kid at daycare but at the time I was simply tired. I was a walking zombie, only awake thanks to some Folgers made at the crack of dawn when I gave up on sleep and just got up for the day.
Max had been sleeping even worse than normal for about 4 days. We are talking up every hour; I think the longest stretch of consecutive sleep was 2 hours. At 2:30 in the morning on the 4th night I reached my breaking point. He kept crying and crying, even though he was in bed with me by then and I was crying out the Lord, WHY LORD? I knew there was a reason that we were enduring this season alone, I knew that this deployment and even Max’s sleep problems were a part of the Lord’s plan but I was begging him to reveal Himself to me in that moment. I asked the Lord, “Please show me WHY or tell me something. I don’t know if I can do this much longer”
I took Max back to his room because I needed a sanity break. I stood in front of his crib swaying back and forth with him, as the music on his little crib toy played softly and I cried out in frustration and exhaustion to the Lord. I need you to show yourself to me Lord.
And I looked up and all I could see in the darkness was Prove Yourself, part of the wall quote on Max's wall above his crib. From Pinocchio, not the bible...I looked down at my drowsy child. Tears threatened my eyes again and I looked up once again. You Must Prove Yourself
”Oh Lord, am I not? What does that mean? Why do I need to prove myself to you? I thought that you would carry me through this as a Father does a child, what do I have to PROVE?” For the first time that night I laid Max down and he slept. I crept back to bed and vowed to figure out the message the next day.
So in the morning I found the time and used my trusty friend, Google to do some research and what I found was so simple but so profound to me. I found a link online from Theater Church that was all about overcoming adversity and it definitely spoke to me.
James 1:2 reframes trials.
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Thank You Lord for reframing this trial for me. Thank you for testing me with this adversity, for developing my perseverance and my character and for bringing me closer to you through it all.
Adversity expands our capacity to serve God.
This is so true for each of us. It is in difficult times that we tend to lean on God more and more. We turn to him when in doubt, when we are tired and weary and surrounded by the outsiders. How blessed am I that he has given me this time frame to take away distraction and lean on Him more completely. To surround myself in his presence.
I don’t know what kind of adversity you’re facing, but I know that God is in the remodeling business. And instead of being in such a hurry to get out of adverse situations, sometimes we need to make sure we get something out of those adverse situations! There are lessons to be learned and character traits to be developed. And honestly, it is adversity that will present you with the greatest opportunity to prove yourself as a parent, a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, and a leader.
This was a BIG one for me. You as an Army wife understand that I was WISHING this deployment away. I was willing time to pass more quickly and what I gleaned that day was this. This is what the Lord spoke to me.
Stop, slow down and use this trial, this adversity to mold you closer to what I want you to be Jess. Learn what I want you to learn. Turn to me in this time of need and I will turn this challenge into your destiny. You asked Me to take over, you asked Me to guide your path, you surrendered yourself to MY PLAN for you many months ago and this is it. I did not ask you to live easy, I did not ask you to sacrifice everything, I only asked of you this. Live this, Love this, and Learn This and I will lead you into places greater than you have imagined. Give up control once again and surrender to me and I will develop this day your destiny.
So I did it. I accepted the deployment as part of His plan and the trigger to a destiny that to be honest I couldn’t see at the time.
Excerpted from "Military Mommy, Finding Faith and Surviving Motherhood when Daddy's Deployed"
Max had been sick with a nasty fever and he was simply not sleeping. I later realized that it was hand, foot and mouth which he caught from some germy kid at daycare but at the time I was simply tired. I was a walking zombie, only awake thanks to some Folgers made at the crack of dawn when I gave up on sleep and just got up for the day.
Max had been sleeping even worse than normal for about 4 days. We are talking up every hour; I think the longest stretch of consecutive sleep was 2 hours. At 2:30 in the morning on the 4th night I reached my breaking point. He kept crying and crying, even though he was in bed with me by then and I was crying out the Lord, WHY LORD? I knew there was a reason that we were enduring this season alone, I knew that this deployment and even Max’s sleep problems were a part of the Lord’s plan but I was begging him to reveal Himself to me in that moment. I asked the Lord, “Please show me WHY or tell me something. I don’t know if I can do this much longer”
I took Max back to his room because I needed a sanity break. I stood in front of his crib swaying back and forth with him, as the music on his little crib toy played softly and I cried out in frustration and exhaustion to the Lord. I need you to show yourself to me Lord.
And I looked up and all I could see in the darkness was Prove Yourself, part of the wall quote on Max's wall above his crib. From Pinocchio, not the bible...I looked down at my drowsy child. Tears threatened my eyes again and I looked up once again. You Must Prove Yourself
”Oh Lord, am I not? What does that mean? Why do I need to prove myself to you? I thought that you would carry me through this as a Father does a child, what do I have to PROVE?” For the first time that night I laid Max down and he slept. I crept back to bed and vowed to figure out the message the next day.
So in the morning I found the time and used my trusty friend, Google to do some research and what I found was so simple but so profound to me. I found a link online from Theater Church that was all about overcoming adversity and it definitely spoke to me.
James 1:2 reframes trials.
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Thank You Lord for reframing this trial for me. Thank you for testing me with this adversity, for developing my perseverance and my character and for bringing me closer to you through it all.
Adversity expands our capacity to serve God.
This is so true for each of us. It is in difficult times that we tend to lean on God more and more. We turn to him when in doubt, when we are tired and weary and surrounded by the outsiders. How blessed am I that he has given me this time frame to take away distraction and lean on Him more completely. To surround myself in his presence.
I don’t know what kind of adversity you’re facing, but I know that God is in the remodeling business. And instead of being in such a hurry to get out of adverse situations, sometimes we need to make sure we get something out of those adverse situations! There are lessons to be learned and character traits to be developed. And honestly, it is adversity that will present you with the greatest opportunity to prove yourself as a parent, a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, and a leader.
This was a BIG one for me. You as an Army wife understand that I was WISHING this deployment away. I was willing time to pass more quickly and what I gleaned that day was this. This is what the Lord spoke to me.
Stop, slow down and use this trial, this adversity to mold you closer to what I want you to be Jess. Learn what I want you to learn. Turn to me in this time of need and I will turn this challenge into your destiny. You asked Me to take over, you asked Me to guide your path, you surrendered yourself to MY PLAN for you many months ago and this is it. I did not ask you to live easy, I did not ask you to sacrifice everything, I only asked of you this. Live this, Love this, and Learn This and I will lead you into places greater than you have imagined. Give up control once again and surrender to me and I will develop this day your destiny.
So I did it. I accepted the deployment as part of His plan and the trigger to a destiny that to be honest I couldn’t see at the time.
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