What is harder than grocery shopping alone?
Sick babies.
Ugg, I hate when Max is sick. And sick he is this week. You can check out my awesome math skills over on my personal blog (click on my profile to get there) In the middle of the night when Rob fetched the meds and took the early morning shift I was so so thankful to have him home.
If you have a sick baby and your husband is deployed, chances are A) You end up crying in the recliner B) You get sick yourself C) You curse your plight as a Military Mommy with a deployed husband D) All of the above
Even though the sick days are so, so, so hard they do present us with another opportunity to rely more fully on our God. When Max came down with hand, foot and mouth and was up EVERY HOUR, I distinctly remember sitting in his nursery, crying my eyes out to God, begging for Him to show me why we had to go through such adversity, crying out to feel Him near me.
And I did, feel Him near me. He was so, so, so close to me in those moments. Even when the darkness and sick days threaten to overtake you, draw close to Him. He is right there waiting for you. Sitting with you. Wiping your tears. Loving you. Protecting you. Holding your sick child.
Ergh, sick days are tough. I wish you very few this flu season. And today, I just want you to know that I am praying for your husbands, your babies, and you. Leave a comment so I can spend some time praying for your family.
And Thank you. Thank you for every sick night when you sacrifice the help of your husband so that mine can be home for a time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Always,
Jesi
Showing posts with label Tough Times. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tough Times. Show all posts
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Grocery Shopping aka My Least Favorite thing in the world
As I was perusing my favorite blogs, I came across a post that chastised us Americans for complaining about grocery shopping. After all, there are millions of people starving across the world, living in true poverty, and we have the audacity to complain about walking the overflowing aisles of our local air conditioned grocery store.
And while I totally and completely understood the point, I had to disagree. Yes, I understand how incredibly lucky we have it as Americans. I am not taking away anything from the thousands of people who would do anything to shop in a grocery store BUT as a military mommy, I detest and utterly despise grocery shopping.
Let’s just say that dragging along your child who is in a catatonic and overtired state of mind after 8 hours at daycare to the local Target is no fun trip. When said child conks out in the backseat after you finally make it out of the store alive, all is great...until you get home, to an empty house, and you try to figure out how to juggle sleeping baby tiger and bag upon bag of grocery items.
Do you let the Weight Watchers ice creams bars melt as you deal with the screeching baby, or do you try to juggle both, or do you turn off the car, close the garage door, open the car doors, and run back and forth like a mad woman, dumping grocery bags in the entryway, allowing yourself 3-4 minutes of unloading before you unbuckle the sleeping dragon that is your tired 10 month old?
Why are the simplest things so dang hard when you are doing it alone? Grocery shopping as a military mommy quickly became my least favorite thing in the world....that is until the dog bed story, but that’s another story for another day.
What’s your least favorite everyday task in the world as a military mommy?
Always,
Jesi
And while I totally and completely understood the point, I had to disagree. Yes, I understand how incredibly lucky we have it as Americans. I am not taking away anything from the thousands of people who would do anything to shop in a grocery store BUT as a military mommy, I detest and utterly despise grocery shopping.
Let’s just say that dragging along your child who is in a catatonic and overtired state of mind after 8 hours at daycare to the local Target is no fun trip. When said child conks out in the backseat after you finally make it out of the store alive, all is great...until you get home, to an empty house, and you try to figure out how to juggle sleeping baby tiger and bag upon bag of grocery items.
Do you let the Weight Watchers ice creams bars melt as you deal with the screeching baby, or do you try to juggle both, or do you turn off the car, close the garage door, open the car doors, and run back and forth like a mad woman, dumping grocery bags in the entryway, allowing yourself 3-4 minutes of unloading before you unbuckle the sleeping dragon that is your tired 10 month old?
Why are the simplest things so dang hard when you are doing it alone? Grocery shopping as a military mommy quickly became my least favorite thing in the world....that is until the dog bed story, but that’s another story for another day.
What’s your least favorite everyday task in the world as a military mommy?
Always,
Jesi
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Fear
So, we are 4 days in now. Four days into Rob actually being home with us. For good! And not just for a temporary R&R.
It's been wonderful and scary. Wonderful in all the moments where everything feels right. And scary when we think about everything we have gone through. Rob is doing well with readjusting...but even doing well there is still just that. Readjustment.
Some of the things that he is dealing with are trouble sleeping, trouble falling asleep, loss of memory and concentration and being easily irritable. I haven't seen any signs of the easily irritability part, and for that I am so thankful.
Just these few, very normal symptoms of readjustment made me think about what happens when soldiers return with true and severe PTSD. Post Tramautic Stress Disorder is a very serious condition and many of our soldiers are returning with symptoms ranging from those above, to serious withdrawal from familes, spouses and even themselves. Sometimes the normal world just seems too much to cope with.
Just in Rob's very normal readjustment, I feel a tad bit overwhelmed. I want everything to be fine, I want him to be happy and healthy and completely home. Rob has always had an uncanny ability to switch off and on between his civilian life and his military life. So this subtle readjustment is a bit scary. I know in my head that it has to be a lot, to come home to a rambunctious one year old and a crazy wife. But in my heart I just want everything to be normal.
The best thing is that I recognize this as another opportunity. If Rob had a completely perfect homecoming and reintegration, how could I empathize with the wife who deals with a husband who seems completely different, ravaged by the mind game that is PTSD. I know that we will be fine, that Rob is being honest with me and talking me through how he is feeling about everything and I am so grateful for that. Talking is one of the best things that could be happening right now. And he has no trouble expressing his love and appreciation to me and Max and that is a true gift. So I know that God is showing me just glimpses of what the other wife feels like, when she can't reach inside her husbands head and heart and bring him back to what he was.
Just another opportunity to learn about what it truly means to be a military wife and mommy...to learn about the sacrifices we risk, to learn about God's safety when we are fearful.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a soldier with PTSD there is valuable information at this link, http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp Remember, this is not your fault. Nothing that you did or didn't do CAUSED this. Cling to the hand of your heavenly Father when you are fearful. Pray for healing for your husband, believe in God's word over his life. And seek support and help from the plethora of resources out there for you and your soldier. Normal reintegration and PTSD are nothing to be ashamed of.
Always,
Jesi
Psalm 27:3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear.
It's been wonderful and scary. Wonderful in all the moments where everything feels right. And scary when we think about everything we have gone through. Rob is doing well with readjusting...but even doing well there is still just that. Readjustment.
Some of the things that he is dealing with are trouble sleeping, trouble falling asleep, loss of memory and concentration and being easily irritable. I haven't seen any signs of the easily irritability part, and for that I am so thankful.
Just these few, very normal symptoms of readjustment made me think about what happens when soldiers return with true and severe PTSD. Post Tramautic Stress Disorder is a very serious condition and many of our soldiers are returning with symptoms ranging from those above, to serious withdrawal from familes, spouses and even themselves. Sometimes the normal world just seems too much to cope with.
Just in Rob's very normal readjustment, I feel a tad bit overwhelmed. I want everything to be fine, I want him to be happy and healthy and completely home. Rob has always had an uncanny ability to switch off and on between his civilian life and his military life. So this subtle readjustment is a bit scary. I know in my head that it has to be a lot, to come home to a rambunctious one year old and a crazy wife. But in my heart I just want everything to be normal.
The best thing is that I recognize this as another opportunity. If Rob had a completely perfect homecoming and reintegration, how could I empathize with the wife who deals with a husband who seems completely different, ravaged by the mind game that is PTSD. I know that we will be fine, that Rob is being honest with me and talking me through how he is feeling about everything and I am so grateful for that. Talking is one of the best things that could be happening right now. And he has no trouble expressing his love and appreciation to me and Max and that is a true gift. So I know that God is showing me just glimpses of what the other wife feels like, when she can't reach inside her husbands head and heart and bring him back to what he was.
Just another opportunity to learn about what it truly means to be a military wife and mommy...to learn about the sacrifices we risk, to learn about God's safety when we are fearful.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a soldier with PTSD there is valuable information at this link, http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp Remember, this is not your fault. Nothing that you did or didn't do CAUSED this. Cling to the hand of your heavenly Father when you are fearful. Pray for healing for your husband, believe in God's word over his life. And seek support and help from the plethora of resources out there for you and your soldier. Normal reintegration and PTSD are nothing to be ashamed of.
Always,
Jesi
Psalm 27:3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear.
Friday, October 10, 2008
It Could Be Me
(I want to write a disclaimer, for those who don’t want to hear the really tough stuff. But I can’t think of the words to express myself appropriately, I talk about the death of a soldier in this post so if you need to guard your heart against this post, I understand. Completely understand. Unfortunately this is our reality as Military wives and mommies. So I guess this is the best disclaimer I have)
Last night, I got ready for bed. But before I headed that way I felt the distinct pull of my computer screen so I scrolled through a few blogs. I frequently read a blog called Brandi and Boys from a pastor’s wife in Tennessee. For some reason, I just like this family, even though I have only encountered them through my screen. After reading Brandi’s blog, I went to Pete’s (her husband) and he had posted a video of him roughhousing with their three boys. Three little boys were thrown around and as they screamed and giggled and threw themselves back at their daddy, I cried.
I cried. And they weren’t really tears of joy or sadness but a mix of both. I cried because I haven’t gotten to see Rob throw Max around and hear Max scream in delight. We have missed that and it BROKE my heart last night. I sat and I cried for us missing those moments this past year.
I cried tears of joy, because we are DAYS, DAYS yall, away from Rob being home with us...and even though this year was incredibly difficult, challenging and gut wrenchingly painful at moments, we are almost done. We are almost finished, and in just a few days I will get to sit back and laugh as my husband throws around our child and hear their squeals of delight.
I cried tears of sadness. As I listened to K-Love yesterday I heard a testimony shared. A woman was speaking. She was expressing her thankfulness for the ministry that K-LOVE provides. She was so thankful because that music had helped carry her through when she didn’t think she could take another step. Her husband was killed in Iraq just two months after she recommitted her life to Christ. And she was expressing her thanks for songs like Bring the Rain and Praise You in This Storm. Songs that carried me through our deployment, that gave me comfort when I didn’t think I could make it through another day. But I did make it, and Rob did too. He is back in the United States, waiting to come home, but no longer in the vulnerable war zone that we learned to accept as a part of our story.
That could be me. I could be watching my boys wrestle and play, I could be crying tears of overwhelming pain, I could be, I could be, I could be.
I cried a mix of tears last night. For what we missed, for what we are blessed with, for what is yet to come, that we have a yet to come, for those who were not so lucky, for those who gave their lives for you and me and our safety, for their wives and mothers and children who won’t get to sit back and watch as the boys wrestle and rough house. I grieved for my loss, praised God for Rob’s safety and grieved for everyone who has lost someone.
It was a strange mix of tears that left me in a strange place. And I’m still not sure how I feel about it in the light of morning. Death and Life all mixed together in my tears.
Always,
John 11:35 Jesus Wept.
Last night, I got ready for bed. But before I headed that way I felt the distinct pull of my computer screen so I scrolled through a few blogs. I frequently read a blog called Brandi and Boys from a pastor’s wife in Tennessee. For some reason, I just like this family, even though I have only encountered them through my screen. After reading Brandi’s blog, I went to Pete’s (her husband) and he had posted a video of him roughhousing with their three boys. Three little boys were thrown around and as they screamed and giggled and threw themselves back at their daddy, I cried.
I cried. And they weren’t really tears of joy or sadness but a mix of both. I cried because I haven’t gotten to see Rob throw Max around and hear Max scream in delight. We have missed that and it BROKE my heart last night. I sat and I cried for us missing those moments this past year.
I cried tears of joy, because we are DAYS, DAYS yall, away from Rob being home with us...and even though this year was incredibly difficult, challenging and gut wrenchingly painful at moments, we are almost done. We are almost finished, and in just a few days I will get to sit back and laugh as my husband throws around our child and hear their squeals of delight.
I cried tears of sadness. As I listened to K-Love yesterday I heard a testimony shared. A woman was speaking. She was expressing her thankfulness for the ministry that K-LOVE provides. She was so thankful because that music had helped carry her through when she didn’t think she could take another step. Her husband was killed in Iraq just two months after she recommitted her life to Christ. And she was expressing her thanks for songs like Bring the Rain and Praise You in This Storm. Songs that carried me through our deployment, that gave me comfort when I didn’t think I could make it through another day. But I did make it, and Rob did too. He is back in the United States, waiting to come home, but no longer in the vulnerable war zone that we learned to accept as a part of our story.
That could be me. I could be watching my boys wrestle and play, I could be crying tears of overwhelming pain, I could be, I could be, I could be.
I cried a mix of tears last night. For what we missed, for what we are blessed with, for what is yet to come, that we have a yet to come, for those who were not so lucky, for those who gave their lives for you and me and our safety, for their wives and mothers and children who won’t get to sit back and watch as the boys wrestle and rough house. I grieved for my loss, praised God for Rob’s safety and grieved for everyone who has lost someone.
It was a strange mix of tears that left me in a strange place. And I’m still not sure how I feel about it in the light of morning. Death and Life all mixed together in my tears.
Always,
John 11:35 Jesus Wept.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I'm not sayin it's gonna be easy
Ok friends, as I read my recent posts I realize that I have a pretty positive perspective on deployment, because, after all we are almost done with ours!
And as excited as I am, and as much as I want to encourage you that you can survive and your deployment can be a good thing, yes a good thing I want you to know that I am not all chipper happy camper sunshine and butterflies all the time.
Just yesterday I freaked out on the phone with Rob because I am so sick and tired of doing our family finances by myself. It really, really, really stresses me out.
Money is tight, and I get super stressed about paying bills and buying things for myself. Even when I buy the necessities I tend to feel a little guilty. I don’t know why! I can’t help that diapers, formula and baby food adds up to $70 or $80. I can’t help that I need sustenance to survive. But I want so badly to handle our finances perfectly and that just isn’t going to happen. I need to relinquish control and realize that it is ok for me to spend $10 on a new shirt off the clearance rack at Target. Life will go on if we aren’t completely debt free by 2011. Life happens and it costs money too.
You may or may not relate with my stress over our budget but I just wanted to share it with you. I can be a total stress case. I have shouted out that I HATE the Army, I HATE this deployment and all I want is Rob to come home. I have shouted it out because I have my days and my moments when that is all I feel, when I am encompassed in the darkness of deployment.
But the moments of sunshine, of Max snuggling with me and saying DaDa, of Rob laughing at a story of our crazy life, of the pride I feel when I see any military family surviving and thriving have started to outweigh the pain and the darkness. And that is why I choose to encourage you most of the time. But don’t ever feel like I have this all figured out, because I assure you that I don’t.
Not even close.
Always,
And as excited as I am, and as much as I want to encourage you that you can survive and your deployment can be a good thing, yes a good thing I want you to know that I am not all chipper happy camper sunshine and butterflies all the time.
Just yesterday I freaked out on the phone with Rob because I am so sick and tired of doing our family finances by myself. It really, really, really stresses me out.
Money is tight, and I get super stressed about paying bills and buying things for myself. Even when I buy the necessities I tend to feel a little guilty. I don’t know why! I can’t help that diapers, formula and baby food adds up to $70 or $80. I can’t help that I need sustenance to survive. But I want so badly to handle our finances perfectly and that just isn’t going to happen. I need to relinquish control and realize that it is ok for me to spend $10 on a new shirt off the clearance rack at Target. Life will go on if we aren’t completely debt free by 2011. Life happens and it costs money too.
You may or may not relate with my stress over our budget but I just wanted to share it with you. I can be a total stress case. I have shouted out that I HATE the Army, I HATE this deployment and all I want is Rob to come home. I have shouted it out because I have my days and my moments when that is all I feel, when I am encompassed in the darkness of deployment.
But the moments of sunshine, of Max snuggling with me and saying DaDa, of Rob laughing at a story of our crazy life, of the pride I feel when I see any military family surviving and thriving have started to outweigh the pain and the darkness. And that is why I choose to encourage you most of the time. But don’t ever feel like I have this all figured out, because I assure you that I don’t.
Not even close.
Always,
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