Never Say Never

A lesson I REALLY need to learn.

I love looking back and seeing how God can bring things full circle. There are so many times when I have said "never will I" and  God has said "oh really?"

When I was young I never understood stay at home moms. My own mom worked full time and did an awesome job being a mom and working. I didn't really understand WHY you would go to college, get your degree and then "just" stay home with kids. It flat out didn't make sense to me.

me as a working mom

After Max was born I understood why there were women that chose to be stay at home moms. But I never wanted to be one. It took a few years of listening, prayer, job changes and pressing into God to desire it for myself. It's not always easy and it's a financial sacrifice to live on 1.5 incomes but I truly feel it's where HE wanted me. I quit my job when we just had Max. Little did we know that just a short 2 years later we would have not 1 more child but 3 more children. God was lining out HIS plan before we ever knew what was gonna hit us! Never say Never.

working as a stay at home mom

Twins, twins, oh my sweet twins. I cannot tell you how many times I made joking but cutting remarks about twins! I would laugh and say "If I ever have twins I am giving one away!" Of course I meant it as a joke! Because I never in a million years imagined we would have twins. Never say Never.

would you give one of these sweet things away? Me either!

School, school, blessed School. I have NEVER wanted to homeschool. I have lots of friends who do an awesome job at it. Not me. I have several friends who are organized and involved and love it and the whole time I am thinking "that is really great for them but never for me"

Funny story...Max is one of the kids who will have to wait until he is practically SIX before kindergarten because of the birthday cutoff in our town. SIX! He is a smart cookie and we did 2 days per week of Mothers Day Out last year and treated it like preschool. This year because we suddenly have four kids they will only be going on Thursdays so I can go work at the dance studio. We don't have the $$$ to put him in a private preschool and most of them are absurd schedules anyways. I have no desire to pack up 4 small children to drop him off for 2 hours and then turn around and do it again. No thank you!

ready for school last year

So I picked up a bunch of pre-k workbooks and some writing tools so that we could start some preschool work at home. So the other morning I asked him if he wanted to do some school? "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOOOOOOOOL" Max is a homebody. He is very social and LOVES playing with other kids but he LOVES being at home. I reminded him we had school stuff at home. "HOMESCHOOL? YAY!" He yells. I busted out laughing. God loves to get me everytime. I would have the one kid who requests to be homeschooled.

can you believe this kid loves home?

No, I am not commiting to being a homeschooler. But we are going to do Preschool at Home this year. I just feel like Max is MORE than ready and needs to start doing SOME structured work in tracing, adding, sight words. My friend over at The Ruby Zebra is a GREAT homeschool mom so I plan to pick her brain a little since she did preschool last year with Ms.B. I stumbled across this preschool set up so that is what we are going to be doing for the year amongst lots of play and lots of babies! Max is pretty convinced he is a Rockstar and I love that it is very scripture focused so I think it will be a good match for some "school" with Mama and Max. If I only do preschool with all four of our kids that is still FOUR kids that can get good use out of some planning and directed activities.

Little stuff, Big Stuff.

I will  never...I would never...that's not for me. God can't, God won't, God would never. God CAN, God WILL, God MIGHT! Over time God can change your heart and your mind to new things! Never say Never!

Always,
Jesi~not ready to call myself a homeschooler~haha

Home Sweet Home

It's our first week with me staying at home with Max. I have to say that so far I am loving it! Today he was a challenge for a good part of the late morning/early afternoon but overall I still love being home with him and working on making our house a home. It's nice to catch up on housework and get things organized. My dining room table is actually cleared of clutter and sewing stuff. My dishes are done and waiting to be unloaded. Laundry is a different story but we are working on it. I know those seem like small things but they are things I always struggled to keep up with when I was working full time! After a long day at work I didn't want to CLEAN my house! Now I just squeeze it in throughout the day.

We also started our Toddler Homeschooling this week. Max will go to public schools when he hits kindergarten but since he is accustomed to the structure of school I wanted to incorporate some learning into our week. This week we are learning about the Jungle, the letter B, the number 2 and the color green. It's been fun so far. We have gone on a Zoo Trip with new friends to see the Jungle animals, watched the Jungle Book movie, read our monkey and animal books, waterpainted, played with bubbles, made Monkey Munch and colored with green crayons and markers.

It's such a blessing to be home and get to do these fun things with Max. It will be an adjustment to our life and schedule but I feel confident that this is God's place for me right now. And there is no where else I would rather be than in His place.
Always,
Jesi

Ramblings

I haven’t written in so long I feel like I forgot what to do for a second. To be honest it has been a LONG 6 weeks notice at the theatre. There were days that I felt like I was still never leaving. I tried really hard to do the honorable thing and stick it out, doing the best that I could. In that time they finally hired my replacement. While he isn’t who I would have chosen I have trained him, prepared him, tested him and left him with as much information as I possibly could. And that is all that I wanted these past few weeks, was to leave the door open with a positive ending. Something my friend said to me one time reverberated in my head, her husband reminded her that when she left her job she wanted to leave it on the best terms. Not because she was bitter and rude, or left behind a mess but that she wanted to leave them remembering how great it was when she was there.

Despite the difficulty in having such an attitude of peace I managed to scrape through these past few weeks. I walked through the theatre today and looked around. It’s so much different than it was when I started 4 years ago. The lights have changed, the bar is different, and the room shines with a granditude that was once missing. There are floating memories throughout the space, escalated by the blue jazz pouring out of the new speakers. I see weddings and parties, dancing and laughter, friends, hugs, tears, bad memories, good memories, hellos and goodbyes. I remember the high I felt when I first started. I remember the lows I felt when I didn’t think I could work there another day.

Two years ago I felt God speaking to me about my job. He told me that I had stood long enough at this mountain. At the time I thought it was my time to go. Two years later I understand more of what He was teaching me. I was done standing at the base of the mountain. It was time to climb. I cannot say that I always gave 100% of myself to this place but I am ok with that. I gave 100% of myself to God in that moment. I forgot about what I wanted. I waited because it was what HE laid out for our family. I hung in there through the early morning events, the arguments and the meeting of a lifetime when I was told I lacked passion. I waited because He kept shutting the door to other opportunities. The timing was never right, the situation was never right and in THAT moment this is where I was supposed to be.

FOUR years after I started, NOW it is time for me to move into the light. In my sacrifice and prayer and the hidden desires of my heart, I hid in Him. He and only He has brought us to this place. He has confirmed my decision to leave and be home with Max over and over again. We have been financially blessed in my last days here. He has provided OVER what we need. He has gifted me with a husband who is financially wise and careful but who believes fully in the tithe that provides for our family. He has held me in his grasp and danced me back to my calling. Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Teacher, Helper, Encourager. I cannot think of anywhere else I want to be than this place where I feel joy and peace at submitting to his will. It is glorious and the glory belongs to God.

Always,
Jesi
Psalms 30:11-12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Home "Schooling"

I have 25 days left at work, not that I am counting or anything. But in my “spare” time I started working on a learning plan for Max for the next year. Since he is so used to the structure of daycare and let’s be honest, he is quite the energetic kiddo and needs lots of activities before he melts into a puddle at the door crying, “Outside, Outside!” I thought it might be a good idea to have a plan for our days together.

And I do want him to continue learning. He gets so much interaction, new words, and activity at school every day and I don’t want to bring him home and leave the little monkey feeling tortured being home all day with boring ol mommy.

I used a list from my mom’s board and quite a few lessons from http://www.letteroftheweek.com/Preparatory_Outline.html too to put together a weekly plan for next year. Each week we will have a THEME and follow up throughout the week with letters, colors, activities, field trips and learning skills for the week! I will be posting these on my mom’s board for a group of moms but will probably post them here too, along with lots of pics of me and sweet M as we travel through learning, playing and cuddling next year.

I can’t wait to get started! When did 25 days seem like a lifetime?