Ramblings

I haven’t written in so long I feel like I forgot what to do for a second. To be honest it has been a LONG 6 weeks notice at the theatre. There were days that I felt like I was still never leaving. I tried really hard to do the honorable thing and stick it out, doing the best that I could. In that time they finally hired my replacement. While he isn’t who I would have chosen I have trained him, prepared him, tested him and left him with as much information as I possibly could. And that is all that I wanted these past few weeks, was to leave the door open with a positive ending. Something my friend said to me one time reverberated in my head, her husband reminded her that when she left her job she wanted to leave it on the best terms. Not because she was bitter and rude, or left behind a mess but that she wanted to leave them remembering how great it was when she was there.

Despite the difficulty in having such an attitude of peace I managed to scrape through these past few weeks. I walked through the theatre today and looked around. It’s so much different than it was when I started 4 years ago. The lights have changed, the bar is different, and the room shines with a granditude that was once missing. There are floating memories throughout the space, escalated by the blue jazz pouring out of the new speakers. I see weddings and parties, dancing and laughter, friends, hugs, tears, bad memories, good memories, hellos and goodbyes. I remember the high I felt when I first started. I remember the lows I felt when I didn’t think I could work there another day.

Two years ago I felt God speaking to me about my job. He told me that I had stood long enough at this mountain. At the time I thought it was my time to go. Two years later I understand more of what He was teaching me. I was done standing at the base of the mountain. It was time to climb. I cannot say that I always gave 100% of myself to this place but I am ok with that. I gave 100% of myself to God in that moment. I forgot about what I wanted. I waited because it was what HE laid out for our family. I hung in there through the early morning events, the arguments and the meeting of a lifetime when I was told I lacked passion. I waited because He kept shutting the door to other opportunities. The timing was never right, the situation was never right and in THAT moment this is where I was supposed to be.

FOUR years after I started, NOW it is time for me to move into the light. In my sacrifice and prayer and the hidden desires of my heart, I hid in Him. He and only He has brought us to this place. He has confirmed my decision to leave and be home with Max over and over again. We have been financially blessed in my last days here. He has provided OVER what we need. He has gifted me with a husband who is financially wise and careful but who believes fully in the tithe that provides for our family. He has held me in his grasp and danced me back to my calling. Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Teacher, Helper, Encourager. I cannot think of anywhere else I want to be than this place where I feel joy and peace at submitting to his will. It is glorious and the glory belongs to God.

Always,
Jesi
Psalms 30:11-12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!