Do your kids have as much STUFF as mine? Do you have2-3-4 sets of grandparents who gift at holidays? Then your kids don't need more STUFF! But it's hard to not cave to the Jones's when it comes to holidays.
Perfect example, EASTER! As Christians we are not celebrating the creepy bunny at the mall, we are celebrating the love that Jesus showed every one of us when he willingly died on the cross for our sins. The celebration of His resurrection three days later. What a gift!
So how do you celebrate the true meaning of a holiday like Easter while still participating in the fun traditions?
For us we strive for balance. An hour in church on Sunday pales in comparison to a GIANT Easter basket, Easter bunny visits, class parties, 4 egg hunts, new clothes, special pictures, treats and bunny ears for all. On the flip side a month of talking about Jesus dying on the cross and no celebration can send kids the message that Jesus ain't fun at all, and we know that isn't the Truth!
Back to balance, this is what we do for our family. Everyone has to figure out what works best for them and their own kids.
Celebrating Jesus
Reading the stories together in our Jesus Storybook Bible the week of Easter
Talking about the upcoming holiday and what it really means
Practicing our Memory Verse Matthew 28:6
Inviting others to church this weekend
Attending a later service to help make space for new visitors
Spending time with family
Celebrating Traditions
Dye eggs with family because it is a family tradition
Have a special lunch with family and friends
Hunt eggs, at home, a modest amount with a few jellybeans or one mini chocolate inside each
Modest Easter baskets that include 4 things for each kid, something you need, something to read, something you want and something to eat (my kids each got a fun pair of socks, a book, a treat and a small toy---all from the $1 spot at Target) Cost $12 for four kids-reusing old buckets instead of new baskets and practicing restraint
Accept gifts from family gracefully and happily
It's all about the balance baby!
Happy Easter! I pray God reveals His love to you this weekend!
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Friday, April 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Oh Snap
Don't you love when God speaks a word to your heart that feels like a whallop upside the head? No? Oh yeah, me either!
This morningI was getting ready for church, alone, as the kids were playing in the living room and Rob is at drill. I was thinking about the showing scheduled for our house today and throwing a wee bit of a pity party. I was trying to determine a word to describe how I feel about selling our house and HOPELESS seemed to be the one echoing in my mind.
Let me say that feeling hopeless when your house has been on the market for just 2 months and had 30-40 showings is just plain re-donk-u-lous. I can be dramatic, it's the gemini in me.
And then, SMACK!
God totally spoke to me and it was in the form of a head smack.
"So if I don't do what YOU want in YOUR timeline then it's hopeless?"
Oh snap! Umm, no that's not what I meant...
"Don't you think I know how to handle this? You keep praying for my will but what if this waiting IS my will? Don't you know I have this?"
Oh. Um, yes God, I do, thanks for the reminder.
"Now get to church and get ready for my word"
Allrighty then.
I felt better, I even smiled, almost felt like laughing. It's like when your parents lovingly teasingly call you out on your drama.
Thanks Father, I needed that whallop.
This morningI was getting ready for church, alone, as the kids were playing in the living room and Rob is at drill. I was thinking about the showing scheduled for our house today and throwing a wee bit of a pity party. I was trying to determine a word to describe how I feel about selling our house and HOPELESS seemed to be the one echoing in my mind.
Let me say that feeling hopeless when your house has been on the market for just 2 months and had 30-40 showings is just plain re-donk-u-lous. I can be dramatic, it's the gemini in me.
And then, SMACK!
God totally spoke to me and it was in the form of a head smack.
"So if I don't do what YOU want in YOUR timeline then it's hopeless?"
Oh snap! Umm, no that's not what I meant...
"Don't you think I know how to handle this? You keep praying for my will but what if this waiting IS my will? Don't you know I have this?"
Oh. Um, yes God, I do, thanks for the reminder.
"Now get to church and get ready for my word"
Allrighty then.
I felt better, I even smiled, almost felt like laughing. It's like when your parents lovingly teasingly call you out on your drama.
Thanks Father, I needed that whallop.
Monday, October 31, 2011
A Month of Thankfulness!
Tomorrow we start November and we are inching closer to Thanksgiving! I can't believe how quickly time seems to be going by this year. The twins will be 5 months old on November 7th, Stella is 18 months and Max is FOUR!
Something that I think is really important to Rob and I in our parenting is teaching our children to be grateful. There are SO MANY adults and kids today that have a HUGE sense of entitlement and it drives me bananas. Instead of being grateful for the blessings that we are given we are constantly on the hunt for more or unsatisfied, even when our every need is filled. We are not perfect and can definitely be guilty of this as well!
In an effort to remember just how blessed we are as a family, we are going to be celebrating November with a Month of Thankfulness and Gratefulness! We plan to show our appreciation for those around us with random acts of kindness and little things that just say THANK YOU!
Some ideas that I have for the month are...
I don't know that we will get close to doing everything on our list but we are excited to show others that we are thankful for them!
Our month was inspired by this!
http://ticklestogiggles.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-birthday-was-awesome.html
Something that I think is really important to Rob and I in our parenting is teaching our children to be grateful. There are SO MANY adults and kids today that have a HUGE sense of entitlement and it drives me bananas. Instead of being grateful for the blessings that we are given we are constantly on the hunt for more or unsatisfied, even when our every need is filled. We are not perfect and can definitely be guilty of this as well!
In an effort to remember just how blessed we are as a family, we are going to be celebrating November with a Month of Thankfulness and Gratefulness! We plan to show our appreciation for those around us with random acts of kindness and little things that just say THANK YOU!
Some ideas that I have for the month are...
- Make treats and take them to the fire house down the street. These firefighters are the ones who responded to our scary 911 call with Max last year.
Send treats to Mommyand Daddy'scoworkers.- Give a $5 gas card to someone.
- Leave a $1 by the coffee machine at a gas station.
Donate our old clothes to friends and others.Donate toys we don't play with anymore.Turkey our neighbors with a surprise on their doorstep.- Visit the Oklahoma Food Bank and donate canned goods and $ for meals.
Pick up trash somewhere.- Take a treat to our LifeKids Director at church.
Give an offering at church.Make dinner for friends.Take old towels and treats to the local animal shelter.- Write a Thank You card to a friend.
Send a TS gift to someone just to say we love you.- Leave candy for the mailman.
Adopt a kid for Christmas.- Leave change on a vending machine.
Treat our sitter to a sonic drink.Take a coffee to our MDO director.- Bring breakfast for our MDO teachers.
- Leave nice notes on bathroom or dressing room mirrors for the ladies.
- Make a military care package for a deployed soldier.
- Take a dinner to a military wife.
Pay for the person behind us somewhere.Pray for a friend.Call our grandparents just to say Hi.Tip the teenage boys who helped us take our groceries out.Give a gift to our siblings!Adopt a family for Christmas.
I don't know that we will get close to doing everything on our list but we are excited to show others that we are thankful for them!
Our month was inspired by this!
http://ticklestogiggles.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-birthday-was-awesome.html
Thursday, August 25, 2011
L is for Light
L is for Light
We started preschool at home this week with Max and I am so pleased with how he is doing! It was an absolutely CRAZY week to start and I wasn't 100% ready to get started. He kept asking to do school stuff so we just sort of started with a bang. This week we are studying the letter L using our Raising Rockstars Preschool Curriculum.
So far this week we have....
~Put Together our Learning Board
memory verse, life lesson, song, weather, show off section and highlights
~Practiced L's
~Learned that L is for Lego!
~Worked on our memory verse
matthew 5:16
~Cutting practice with our memory verse
cutting and pasting
~Learned L is for Lorax
~Worked on our L slideshows from RRSP and on Starfall.com
~L is for Listen and talked about our Life Lesson
{I can obey Mommy and Daddy. I can be kind to others. I can learn about God. I can tell the truth. I can share. I can show love to others. I can be brave. I can tell others about Jesus}
~L is for Listen and talked about our Life Lesson
~Learned L is for Light and played with a new laser sword and glow necklaces
It's been a lot of fun to learn with Max this week and he really surprised me with his memory verse! I am so proud that he is starting to remember his verse for the week! He struggles a little bit with lettering so we go at his pace and do it casually when he wants to. It's been a fun week and I can't wait to finish up the letter L next week using our new workboxes!.
"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven"
Matthew 5:16
A few times Max has substituted the word Daddy for Father which I think is sweet. He definitely loves both his earthly and heavenly Daddy's!
Always,
Jesi
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Live from Oklahoma Cityyyyyyyyyyy
I am excited to share that I am going to be on live tv next week!
What I really want to do is throw up from nerves :) but I am genuinely excited. I have been a food tv watcher my entire life so I kind of get to pretend that I have my own cooking show for an entire 5 minutes.
So here's the deal, it's Monday at 11AM on the show "All About You" which is on local channel KSBI OK 52. I will be doing a 4-5 minute cooking demo on easy summer recipes featuring our AWESOME Tastefully Simple products. We will be celebrating National Panini Month which should be fun. I have a LOT of prep work to do and I need to get some timing practice in the next few days.
I know it might seem silly but I honestly feel like God is blessing my TS business and it reassures me that I am in the right spot. Sales is never an "easy" job but it's one of the most prevalent in our nation! How many people are in some sort of sales? We are all selling something! Heck, even bloggers are selling themselves to their readers!
To God be the GLORY for this super fun experience. I pray that anyone out there who is looking for a way to bring in extra income to their family or needs to experience Tastefully Simple in some way will be tuned in a watching. God can use ANYTHING to bring Glory to HIM!
Always,
Jesi
What I really want to do is throw up from nerves :) but I am genuinely excited. I have been a food tv watcher my entire life so I kind of get to pretend that I have my own cooking show for an entire 5 minutes.
i will pretend that I am paula deen...that will boost my self confidence!
So here's the deal, it's Monday at 11AM on the show "All About You" which is on local channel KSBI OK 52. I will be doing a 4-5 minute cooking demo on easy summer recipes featuring our AWESOME Tastefully Simple products. We will be celebrating National Panini Month which should be fun. I have a LOT of prep work to do and I need to get some timing practice in the next few days.
I know it might seem silly but I honestly feel like God is blessing my TS business and it reassures me that I am in the right spot. Sales is never an "easy" job but it's one of the most prevalent in our nation! How many people are in some sort of sales? We are all selling something! Heck, even bloggers are selling themselves to their readers!
gotta love our beautiful marketing!
To God be the GLORY for this super fun experience. I pray that anyone out there who is looking for a way to bring in extra income to their family or needs to experience Tastefully Simple in some way will be tuned in a watching. God can use ANYTHING to bring Glory to HIM!
Always,
Jesi
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Create an Atmosphere of Worship
I'm not posting this because I am good at it, rather as a reminder to myself!
Today I got in a tizzy because I wasn't able to get ANYTHING done. Every time I tried to stand up one of the twins would start fussing and Stella was being needy and Max was running around getting into things and I was feeling overwhelmed. I called Rob, just to tell him I was going crazy. He gets a lot of those calls these days ;)
I decided to snap out of it. I reminded myself that babies cry. I put them down and took Max and Stella into the kitchen. We baked a chocolate cake for Rob to say "Thanks for being a great dad and the kind of husband who lets me off duty after you worked for 12 hours to let me take a bath and fall asleep for an hour." And by bake I mean we mixed up a Tastefully Simple chocolate pound cake which takes 3 minutes!
Then I got out my devotional and did it.
I was feeling better already. I blared some worship music and turned the tv off. I cleaned the kitchen while Max decided he was Jacksons babysitter, meaning he sat next to him and replaced his paci every time he cried out. Once my kitchen was clean I felt so much better. There are SO MANY days when my house looks like it got hit by a tornado and it really leaves me feeling out of control. If I can manage to keep things just a little cleaner I feel better. Relieved I went back to the living room and let the music play. I started singing along and Stella started dancing. I love how kids instinctually raise their hands to music. Max started singing along with me. Holding a content baby, watching another one sleep, dancing along with Stella and hearing Max belt out HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTYYYYYYYY. There was some serious worship happening in our house.
It's really easy to get caught up in the moment to moment challenges that come with motherhood. If we can just pause, at least once per day to remember our blessings and create an atmosphere of worship we might all feel just a tiny bit better. I know it worked today in my house!
Always,
Jesi
Today I got in a tizzy because I wasn't able to get ANYTHING done. Every time I tried to stand up one of the twins would start fussing and Stella was being needy and Max was running around getting into things and I was feeling overwhelmed. I called Rob, just to tell him I was going crazy. He gets a lot of those calls these days ;)
I decided to snap out of it. I reminded myself that babies cry. I put them down and took Max and Stella into the kitchen. We baked a chocolate cake for Rob to say "Thanks for being a great dad and the kind of husband who lets me off duty after you worked for 12 hours to let me take a bath and fall asleep for an hour." And by bake I mean we mixed up a Tastefully Simple chocolate pound cake which takes 3 minutes!
Then I got out my devotional and did it.
I was feeling better already. I blared some worship music and turned the tv off. I cleaned the kitchen while Max decided he was Jacksons babysitter, meaning he sat next to him and replaced his paci every time he cried out. Once my kitchen was clean I felt so much better. There are SO MANY days when my house looks like it got hit by a tornado and it really leaves me feeling out of control. If I can manage to keep things just a little cleaner I feel better. Relieved I went back to the living room and let the music play. I started singing along and Stella started dancing. I love how kids instinctually raise their hands to music. Max started singing along with me. Holding a content baby, watching another one sleep, dancing along with Stella and hearing Max belt out HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTYYYYYYYY. There was some serious worship happening in our house.
It's really easy to get caught up in the moment to moment challenges that come with motherhood. If we can just pause, at least once per day to remember our blessings and create an atmosphere of worship we might all feel just a tiny bit better. I know it worked today in my house!
Always,
Jesi
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Never Say Never
A lesson I REALLY need to learn.
I love looking back and seeing how God can bring things full circle. There are so many times when I have said "never will I" and God has said "oh really?"
When I was young I never understood stay at home moms. My own mom worked full time and did an awesome job being a mom and working. I didn't really understand WHY you would go to college, get your degree and then "just" stay home with kids. It flat out didn't make sense to me.
After Max was born I understood why there were women that chose to be stay at home moms. But I never wanted to be one. It took a few years of listening, prayer, job changes and pressing into God to desire it for myself. It's not always easy and it's a financial sacrifice to live on 1.5 incomes but I truly feel it's where HE wanted me. I quit my job when we just had Max. Little did we know that just a short 2 years later we would have not 1 more child but 3 more children. God was lining out HIS plan before we ever knew what was gonna hit us! Never say Never.
Twins, twins, oh my sweet twins. I cannot tell you how many times I made joking but cutting remarks about twins! I would laugh and say "If I ever have twins I am giving one away!" Of course I meant it as a joke! Because I never in a million years imagined we would have twins. Never say Never.
School, school, blessed School. I have NEVER wanted to homeschool. I have lots of friends who do an awesome job at it. Not me. I have several friends who are organized and involved and love it and the whole time I am thinking "that is really great for them but never for me"
Funny story...Max is one of the kids who will have to wait until he is practically SIX before kindergarten because of the birthday cutoff in our town. SIX! He is a smart cookie and we did 2 days per week of Mothers Day Out last year and treated it like preschool. This year because we suddenly have four kids they will only be going on Thursdays so I can go work at the dance studio. We don't have the $$$ to put him in a private preschool and most of them are absurd schedules anyways. I have no desire to pack up 4 small children to drop him off for 2 hours and then turn around and do it again. No thank you!
So I picked up a bunch of pre-k workbooks and some writing tools so that we could start some preschool work at home. So the other morning I asked him if he wanted to do some school? "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOOOOOOOOL" Max is a homebody. He is very social and LOVES playing with other kids but he LOVES being at home. I reminded him we had school stuff at home. "HOMESCHOOL? YAY!" He yells. I busted out laughing. God loves to get me everytime. I would have the one kid who requests to be homeschooled.
No, I am not commiting to being a homeschooler. But we are going to do Preschool at Home this year. I just feel like Max is MORE than ready and needs to start doing SOME structured work in tracing, adding, sight words. My friend over at The Ruby Zebra is a GREAT homeschool mom so I plan to pick her brain a little since she did preschool last year with Ms.B. I stumbled across this preschool set up so that is what we are going to be doing for the year amongst lots of play and lots of babies! Max is pretty convinced he is a Rockstar and I love that it is very scripture focused so I think it will be a good match for some "school" with Mama and Max. If I only do preschool with all four of our kids that is still FOUR kids that can get good use out of some planning and directed activities.
Little stuff, Big Stuff.
I will never...I would never...that's not for me. God can't, God won't, God would never. God CAN, God WILL, God MIGHT! Over time God can change your heart and your mind to new things! Never say Never!
Always,
Jesi~not ready to call myself a homeschooler~haha
I love looking back and seeing how God can bring things full circle. There are so many times when I have said "never will I" and God has said "oh really?"
When I was young I never understood stay at home moms. My own mom worked full time and did an awesome job being a mom and working. I didn't really understand WHY you would go to college, get your degree and then "just" stay home with kids. It flat out didn't make sense to me.
me as a working mom
After Max was born I understood why there were women that chose to be stay at home moms. But I never wanted to be one. It took a few years of listening, prayer, job changes and pressing into God to desire it for myself. It's not always easy and it's a financial sacrifice to live on 1.5 incomes but I truly feel it's where HE wanted me. I quit my job when we just had Max. Little did we know that just a short 2 years later we would have not 1 more child but 3 more children. God was lining out HIS plan before we ever knew what was gonna hit us! Never say Never.
working as a stay at home mom
Twins, twins, oh my sweet twins. I cannot tell you how many times I made joking but cutting remarks about twins! I would laugh and say "If I ever have twins I am giving one away!" Of course I meant it as a joke! Because I never in a million years imagined we would have twins. Never say Never.
would you give one of these sweet things away? Me either!
School, school, blessed School. I have NEVER wanted to homeschool. I have lots of friends who do an awesome job at it. Not me. I have several friends who are organized and involved and love it and the whole time I am thinking "that is really great for them but never for me"
Funny story...Max is one of the kids who will have to wait until he is practically SIX before kindergarten because of the birthday cutoff in our town. SIX! He is a smart cookie and we did 2 days per week of Mothers Day Out last year and treated it like preschool. This year because we suddenly have four kids they will only be going on Thursdays so I can go work at the dance studio. We don't have the $$$ to put him in a private preschool and most of them are absurd schedules anyways. I have no desire to pack up 4 small children to drop him off for 2 hours and then turn around and do it again. No thank you!
ready for school last year
So I picked up a bunch of pre-k workbooks and some writing tools so that we could start some preschool work at home. So the other morning I asked him if he wanted to do some school? "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOOOOOOOOL" Max is a homebody. He is very social and LOVES playing with other kids but he LOVES being at home. I reminded him we had school stuff at home. "HOMESCHOOL? YAY!" He yells. I busted out laughing. God loves to get me everytime. I would have the one kid who requests to be homeschooled.
can you believe this kid loves home?
No, I am not commiting to being a homeschooler. But we are going to do Preschool at Home this year. I just feel like Max is MORE than ready and needs to start doing SOME structured work in tracing, adding, sight words. My friend over at The Ruby Zebra is a GREAT homeschool mom so I plan to pick her brain a little since she did preschool last year with Ms.B. I stumbled across this preschool set up so that is what we are going to be doing for the year amongst lots of play and lots of babies! Max is pretty convinced he is a Rockstar and I love that it is very scripture focused so I think it will be a good match for some "school" with Mama and Max. If I only do preschool with all four of our kids that is still FOUR kids that can get good use out of some planning and directed activities.
Little stuff, Big Stuff.
I will never...I would never...that's not for me. God can't, God won't, God would never. God CAN, God WILL, God MIGHT! Over time God can change your heart and your mind to new things! Never say Never!
Always,
Jesi~not ready to call myself a homeschooler~haha
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Ya Gotta Love Beth Moore
I have always wanted to be good at journaling. But I'm not. I start and then I stop and then I lose the journal. And then I find it 2 years later and throw it away. I am drawn to cute notebooks and stationary but then it just takes up space in our already cluttered house.
When we first brought home the twins every day was a challenge. I would wake up in the morning and I felt like I had to mentally plan out my battle plan of surviving 4 small children. I needed a pick me up, a morning OOMPH to get me going and I knew what I really needed was Gods Word. So I started looking for a good morning devotional but nothing really caught my eye.
I stumbled upon this devotional and I instantly thought it would be a good match. It's a devotional and journal in one which is exactly what I was looking for. The devotions are just 2 pages but insightful and thought provoking. They include scripture and point you to areas to read in your own Bible. It was perfect. Lo and behold it was written by the southern queen of bible study Ms. Beth Moore. Ya Gotta Love Beth Moore!
It's been a few weeks and I am really enjoying it. Its based on her book Get Out of That Pit and really focuses on Psalms 40. I love that it really emphasizes how God will provide for us and that our struggles are not in vain.
Most importantly it is biblically sound and its the perfect way to start your day as a busy mama.
Always,
Jesi
When we first brought home the twins every day was a challenge. I would wake up in the morning and I felt like I had to mentally plan out my battle plan of surviving 4 small children. I needed a pick me up, a morning OOMPH to get me going and I knew what I really needed was Gods Word. So I started looking for a good morning devotional but nothing really caught my eye.
It's been a few weeks and I am really enjoying it. Its based on her book Get Out of That Pit and really focuses on Psalms 40. I love that it really emphasizes how God will provide for us and that our struggles are not in vain.
Most importantly it is biblically sound and its the perfect way to start your day as a busy mama.
Always,
Jesi
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
2nd Child Syndrome
Let's talk differences between your 1st and 2nd pregnancies!
Baby #1
You freak out when you get a BFP (big fat positive) on the pee stick and take 6 more to confirm that indeed you are pregnant.
Baby #2
You freak out when you get a BFP and you trust you are pregnant because you aren't about to spend $60 dollars on pregnancy tests.
Baby#1
You call the doctor and insist on being seen as soon as possible.
Baby#2
You wait a week, then call the doctor, then nod smartly when they tell you to come in 4-6 weeks later.
Baby#1
You immediately start reading every pregnancy related book, magazine, website and blog in order to prepare.
Baby#2
You forget to publish your BFP on your OWN blog until you are 3 months along.
Baby#1
You immediately purchase just one small smooshy, overpriced, sweet, lovely, cuddly, soft size newborn outfit to cherish.
Baby#2
You refuse to buy a thing until you know the sex of the baby considering you have 47 diaper boxes full of hand me downs saved from Baby#1.
Baby#1
You relentlessly search the interwebz and design two complete nurseries from ceiling to the tiniest monogrammed personalized PBK accessory, one for each sex of course.
Baby#2
You glance at crib sets, remember how you only use a sheet and bumper and balk at the cost of something you could make on your own.
Baby#1
You cry at your ultrasound when you get your first glance on the miracle growing inside of you.
Baby#2
Distracted by your firstborn who is now eating super awesomely unhealthy snacks from the vending machine while your husband tries to keep him from destroying the high tech U/S room you laugh and remark that the baby totally looks like a dinosaur. The U/S tech looks like you like you are a freak.
Baby#1
You find out the gender of baby and immediately text.call.email.facebook everyone you know and announce the name.
Baby#2
3 weeks after you find out the gender you have a hormonal breakdown when your husband has no names he loves and a lot of names he hates. You choose a name via a tight compromise, all the time fervently reminding him that your first born bears the name Maximus. For real.
Baby#1
You ache and groan with the pains of pregnancy while you relax on the couch with your feet propped up, pregnancy books on the coffee table, craving of choice on your belly.
Baby#2
You feel your pelvis being broken within your body and debate on if it's REALLY neccesary to bother the doctor while your first born crawls on top of you and repeatedly asks you if Steyya is here yet?
Baby#1
You work tirelessly on the perfect nursery and it's finished and glorious by 24 weeks gestation.
Baby#2
You shut the door to the nursery because your dog ate through the carpet and the pad, scratched the furniture and broke the blinds when your firstborn left the door open leaving said dog locked in during a blizzard. At 30 weeks you remind yourself you REALLY need to get moving on the nursery. For real.
Baby#1
After 12 weeks you feel like you are "in the clear" and you anticipate the birth of your perfect baby.
Baby#2
Having experienced the pain of watching your friends and family lose babies late in pregnancy, have gorgeous perfect babies with genetic problems and reading too many blogs about babies lost on the internet you pray every single day that yours is healthy. But you know even if yours isn't that everything will be ok because God is God and He is faithful.
Baby#1
You marvel at the wonder that is God taking all of YOU and all of your Husband and combining the two of you into this tiny perfect being that flips and rolls inside of you. You are growing a human, freakishly amazing.
Baby#2
You marvel at the wonder that is God taking all of YOU and all of your Husband and combining the two of you into this tiny perfect being that flips and rolls inside of you. You are growing a human, freakishly amazing.
Baby #1
You freak out when you get a BFP (big fat positive) on the pee stick and take 6 more to confirm that indeed you are pregnant.
Baby #2
You freak out when you get a BFP and you trust you are pregnant because you aren't about to spend $60 dollars on pregnancy tests.
Baby#1
You call the doctor and insist on being seen as soon as possible.
Baby#2
You wait a week, then call the doctor, then nod smartly when they tell you to come in 4-6 weeks later.
Baby#1
You immediately start reading every pregnancy related book, magazine, website and blog in order to prepare.
Baby#2
You forget to publish your BFP on your OWN blog until you are 3 months along.
Baby#1
You immediately purchase just one small smooshy, overpriced, sweet, lovely, cuddly, soft size newborn outfit to cherish.
Baby#2
You refuse to buy a thing until you know the sex of the baby considering you have 47 diaper boxes full of hand me downs saved from Baby#1.
Baby#1
You relentlessly search the interwebz and design two complete nurseries from ceiling to the tiniest monogrammed personalized PBK accessory, one for each sex of course.
Baby#2
You glance at crib sets, remember how you only use a sheet and bumper and balk at the cost of something you could make on your own.
Baby#1
You cry at your ultrasound when you get your first glance on the miracle growing inside of you.
Baby#2
Distracted by your firstborn who is now eating super awesomely unhealthy snacks from the vending machine while your husband tries to keep him from destroying the high tech U/S room you laugh and remark that the baby totally looks like a dinosaur. The U/S tech looks like you like you are a freak.
Baby#1
You find out the gender of baby and immediately text.call.email.facebook everyone you know and announce the name.
Baby#2
3 weeks after you find out the gender you have a hormonal breakdown when your husband has no names he loves and a lot of names he hates. You choose a name via a tight compromise, all the time fervently reminding him that your first born bears the name Maximus. For real.
Baby#1
You ache and groan with the pains of pregnancy while you relax on the couch with your feet propped up, pregnancy books on the coffee table, craving of choice on your belly.
Baby#2
You feel your pelvis being broken within your body and debate on if it's REALLY neccesary to bother the doctor while your first born crawls on top of you and repeatedly asks you if Steyya is here yet?
Baby#1
You work tirelessly on the perfect nursery and it's finished and glorious by 24 weeks gestation.
Baby#2
You shut the door to the nursery because your dog ate through the carpet and the pad, scratched the furniture and broke the blinds when your firstborn left the door open leaving said dog locked in during a blizzard. At 30 weeks you remind yourself you REALLY need to get moving on the nursery. For real.
Baby#1
After 12 weeks you feel like you are "in the clear" and you anticipate the birth of your perfect baby.
Baby#2
Having experienced the pain of watching your friends and family lose babies late in pregnancy, have gorgeous perfect babies with genetic problems and reading too many blogs about babies lost on the internet you pray every single day that yours is healthy. But you know even if yours isn't that everything will be ok because God is God and He is faithful.
Baby#1
You marvel at the wonder that is God taking all of YOU and all of your Husband and combining the two of you into this tiny perfect being that flips and rolls inside of you. You are growing a human, freakishly amazing.
Baby#2
You marvel at the wonder that is God taking all of YOU and all of your Husband and combining the two of you into this tiny perfect being that flips and rolls inside of you. You are growing a human, freakishly amazing.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My Prayer Peeps
It's late at night and tomorrow Max and I leave for Dallas/Ft Worth so I wanted to post before we are gone. I am attending TS on Tour *which I am SUPER duper excited for* and Max is spending the weekend with my dad, stepmom and little brother Ty. I made the distinct mistake of telling him today that we were going to see Grandpa Lloyd, Grandma JuJu and Uncle Ty and he has been hollering at me ALL day about Ty. Everytime our silly dog barks he screams TY's HERE! Tomorrow is not a concept he is familiar with.
Tonight was the last night of The Temple study that we were doing in my womens bible study. Natalie really went above and beyond to make tonight special and connect all the dots for us ladies. It was a beautiful night of reflection and as I sat and looked around the room I felt a keen sense of connectedness with the ladies around me. It was a true picture of the body of Christ. All different people, personalities, looks, sizes, shapes, colors, struggles, hurts, joys, backgrounds, family situations and perceptions. But we are united in Christ. He joins us together and seeing tear filled eyes around me I knew that as women we often struggle with the SAME things. No matter of our size, background and history, we are bonded by our gender. I love what Natalie said about the devil. 1) We are not stupid and 2) he is not original. That is so so true. he is NOT original and he uses the SAME tools and tricks and lies against all of us women day in and day out. Recognizing his lies and deciphering God's TRUTH for our lives is so important.
I just wanted to say thank you to my prayer peeps. We talked about this tonight too, surrounding yourself with people who you can call/email/text/facebook and say I need prayer! People we can be vulnerable with and let our guards down for true support.
So here are mine.
Rob
My awesome husband. He knows exactly who I am and loves me despite seeing my ugliest truths and most unbecoming inner secrets. I know if I need his love and support, his shoulder or his ear he is ALWAYS there.
My Momma
I love my momma. My mom is strong, helpful, encouraging and faithful. She reminds me that we are on the right track and that we are right to trust in Him. She is my biggest cheerleader and my most honest supporter. I love her and I covet her prayers.
Kera Don
My "lil" is a true blessing to me. Her raw emotions and openness to share her struggles allow me to be the mentor that God desires I be. I can be 100% honest with her and I never ever feel weird, judged or freakish. She is the best.
Summer
My dear dear friend. She shares a name with Stella (her first name is Catherine and Stella's mn will be Katherine) and I couldn't think of a better person to honor. She is smart, kind and seriously seriously a steadfast support to me. She is always understanding, always available and always goes above and beyond for our friendship.
Savanah
My oldest, nearest and dearest. Sweet Savanah is loved around the world but I still feel like I get a special tiny place in her heart that is just for me and mine. I love that about her. We are too busy to spend as much time together as we would like but I adore that it never matters. I can call her bawling my head off and she will stop me right there and pray for me. She is never too busy to pray for me and I don't hesitate to know that she thinks of me and prays for me often. I love knowing I have such a woman of faith in my corner and petitioning God for me.
My Stepmom
Also known as Grandma JuJu, Julia was a big influence on my decision to become a Christ follower and she has never stopped encouraging me. She tells me when God places me on her heart and she follows through when she tells you that she is praying for you. She is filled with His words and His wisdom.
Katrina
My boss' loverly wife Katrina is ah-mazing. She is so intelligent and filled up with Him that I have really loved gleaning from her. She might be surprised to be on this list but she shouldn't be, because if I need prayer I know one ah-mazing prayer mama I am turning to and it's her.
Codie
My twinsie, we aren't sisters but we might as well be. Codie is so amazingly honest that you don't have to feel awkward about your own shortcomings and struggles. She is smart, hilarious and she turns a serious conversation into a laughfest, still always being a loving encouraging openminded faithful friend. She is no doubt one of the first people that I can call on in a time of need and I know she would answer. She just rocks. My socks off.
Jackie
aka my Armymomma! Jackie was my deployment buddy when Rob was gone and I have LOVED LOVED LOVED being able to pray for her through our experiences. She is so graced by faith and determination and I adore that we share a belief system and a strong reliance on our Heavenly Father to carry us through the days that we cannot seem to stand on our own. love. jackie. period.
HeatherS
My sweet momma friend. Heather is so amazing at filling my life with friendship. I told Rob the other day I am going to be such a bawlbag when she packs up and leaves me. (dang military) Heather is everything I could ask for in a friend and I am so thankful that He intersected our paths in this time. We sorta need eachother in a way that only military mommas understand.
So those are my prayer peeps. The ones I love. The ones I know I can call on. Thank you for being the bestest people I could ever surround myself with. I am so grateful for each of you.
Love,
Jesi
Tonight was the last night of The Temple study that we were doing in my womens bible study. Natalie really went above and beyond to make tonight special and connect all the dots for us ladies. It was a beautiful night of reflection and as I sat and looked around the room I felt a keen sense of connectedness with the ladies around me. It was a true picture of the body of Christ. All different people, personalities, looks, sizes, shapes, colors, struggles, hurts, joys, backgrounds, family situations and perceptions. But we are united in Christ. He joins us together and seeing tear filled eyes around me I knew that as women we often struggle with the SAME things. No matter of our size, background and history, we are bonded by our gender. I love what Natalie said about the devil. 1) We are not stupid and 2) he is not original. That is so so true. he is NOT original and he uses the SAME tools and tricks and lies against all of us women day in and day out. Recognizing his lies and deciphering God's TRUTH for our lives is so important.
I just wanted to say thank you to my prayer peeps. We talked about this tonight too, surrounding yourself with people who you can call/email/text/facebook and say I need prayer! People we can be vulnerable with and let our guards down for true support.
So here are mine.
Rob
My awesome husband. He knows exactly who I am and loves me despite seeing my ugliest truths and most unbecoming inner secrets. I know if I need his love and support, his shoulder or his ear he is ALWAYS there.
My Momma
I love my momma. My mom is strong, helpful, encouraging and faithful. She reminds me that we are on the right track and that we are right to trust in Him. She is my biggest cheerleader and my most honest supporter. I love her and I covet her prayers.
Kera Don
My "lil" is a true blessing to me. Her raw emotions and openness to share her struggles allow me to be the mentor that God desires I be. I can be 100% honest with her and I never ever feel weird, judged or freakish. She is the best.
Summer
My dear dear friend. She shares a name with Stella (her first name is Catherine and Stella's mn will be Katherine) and I couldn't think of a better person to honor. She is smart, kind and seriously seriously a steadfast support to me. She is always understanding, always available and always goes above and beyond for our friendship.
Savanah
My oldest, nearest and dearest. Sweet Savanah is loved around the world but I still feel like I get a special tiny place in her heart that is just for me and mine. I love that about her. We are too busy to spend as much time together as we would like but I adore that it never matters. I can call her bawling my head off and she will stop me right there and pray for me. She is never too busy to pray for me and I don't hesitate to know that she thinks of me and prays for me often. I love knowing I have such a woman of faith in my corner and petitioning God for me.
My Stepmom
Also known as Grandma JuJu, Julia was a big influence on my decision to become a Christ follower and she has never stopped encouraging me. She tells me when God places me on her heart and she follows through when she tells you that she is praying for you. She is filled with His words and His wisdom.
Katrina
My boss' loverly wife Katrina is ah-mazing. She is so intelligent and filled up with Him that I have really loved gleaning from her. She might be surprised to be on this list but she shouldn't be, because if I need prayer I know one ah-mazing prayer mama I am turning to and it's her.
Codie
My twinsie, we aren't sisters but we might as well be. Codie is so amazingly honest that you don't have to feel awkward about your own shortcomings and struggles. She is smart, hilarious and she turns a serious conversation into a laughfest, still always being a loving encouraging openminded faithful friend. She is no doubt one of the first people that I can call on in a time of need and I know she would answer. She just rocks. My socks off.
Jackie
aka my Armymomma! Jackie was my deployment buddy when Rob was gone and I have LOVED LOVED LOVED being able to pray for her through our experiences. She is so graced by faith and determination and I adore that we share a belief system and a strong reliance on our Heavenly Father to carry us through the days that we cannot seem to stand on our own. love. jackie. period.
HeatherS
My sweet momma friend. Heather is so amazing at filling my life with friendship. I told Rob the other day I am going to be such a bawlbag when she packs up and leaves me. (dang military) Heather is everything I could ask for in a friend and I am so thankful that He intersected our paths in this time. We sorta need eachother in a way that only military mommas understand.
So those are my prayer peeps. The ones I love. The ones I know I can call on. Thank you for being the bestest people I could ever surround myself with. I am so grateful for each of you.
Love,
Jesi
Friday, January 29, 2010
Slamming Doors
First off after I posted about waiting I heard this song by John Waller and I LOVED it for those who are currently in a season of waiting.
While I'm Waiting
In other news God keeps slamming doors shut and I am figuring out how to accept it and be grateful. There is a LONG backstory but essentially there is something in my life that has been an up and down journey. At one point it even became an idol to me. I hate admitting that but I am sure we all have those things. We talked about it in Bible Study this week and Natalie really encouraged us to be open to asking God to reveal ANYTHING that might be an idol to us. If you don't know what I am talking about I would say you should investigate if something is an idol for you if it causes neglect from your relationship with God and/or you lack neccesary restraint when it comes to that matter.
So it was an interesting study for me. I already pinpointed this thing as an idol for my life several years ago. Thankfully and painfully God pretty much ripped it from my life. It left me shaken and upset and there are fragile threads that remain from that situation. Looking back I am so THANKFUL that He removed it for me because I don't know that I would ever be where I am today in my personal relationship with Him if not for that painful encounter.
BUT there are still some emotionally jagged edges that remain. And try and try as I might I can't help but feel the cuts sometimes. It's a matter of pride really. My human nature feels a great deal of painful rejection and self examination each time He slams shut a door regarding this thing. It's hard. I can sit here and feel two emotions at the same time. Logically I know that when I toe the line it does me NO good. I cannot sit here and say that I could be involved again without letting it become idolatry again. So why would I seek that? Thank you Lord for taking away the opportunity for something to become jammed between us once again.
In the same moments I feel hurt. I feel like I did everything right and by the book and fantastically on paper. There is no logical reason for the rejection. But it still happens over and over and over again. Oh yeah, that's God slamming those doors for me. But it still hurtsa little.
It's a molding process. He is shaping me and taking away things that are not of Him and not drawing me closer to Him. I am so grateful for that despite the pain.
"This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need
This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need"
This World by Caedmon's Call
While I'm Waiting
In other news God keeps slamming doors shut and I am figuring out how to accept it and be grateful. There is a LONG backstory but essentially there is something in my life that has been an up and down journey. At one point it even became an idol to me. I hate admitting that but I am sure we all have those things. We talked about it in Bible Study this week and Natalie really encouraged us to be open to asking God to reveal ANYTHING that might be an idol to us. If you don't know what I am talking about I would say you should investigate if something is an idol for you if it causes neglect from your relationship with God and/or you lack neccesary restraint when it comes to that matter.
So it was an interesting study for me. I already pinpointed this thing as an idol for my life several years ago. Thankfully and painfully God pretty much ripped it from my life. It left me shaken and upset and there are fragile threads that remain from that situation. Looking back I am so THANKFUL that He removed it for me because I don't know that I would ever be where I am today in my personal relationship with Him if not for that painful encounter.
BUT there are still some emotionally jagged edges that remain. And try and try as I might I can't help but feel the cuts sometimes. It's a matter of pride really. My human nature feels a great deal of painful rejection and self examination each time He slams shut a door regarding this thing. It's hard. I can sit here and feel two emotions at the same time. Logically I know that when I toe the line it does me NO good. I cannot sit here and say that I could be involved again without letting it become idolatry again. So why would I seek that? Thank you Lord for taking away the opportunity for something to become jammed between us once again.
In the same moments I feel hurt. I feel like I did everything right and by the book and fantastically on paper. There is no logical reason for the rejection. But it still happens over and over and over again. Oh yeah, that's God slamming those doors for me. But it still hurts
It's a molding process. He is shaping me and taking away things that are not of Him and not drawing me closer to Him. I am so grateful for that despite the pain.
"This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need
This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need"
This World by Caedmon's Call
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
waiting and obedience
Man I hate to wait.
I don't have a lot of patience. Well somedays I do! Somedays when Max moves at a snails pace, taking an average of 32 minutes to move towards me to get dressed or changed or whatever I just smile and relax. Other days I grab him and get him moving. My patience level comes and goes with a regular sense of irregularity.
After my last post I started thinking about how I felt when I was in a stage of waiting. I was a working mama for 2 years and I am quite proud that I managed to not pull my hair out while managing a thriving business in a crazy industry, my tastefully simple business, social obligations, family, friends, my husband, max and half of that time was during our deployment. I don't regret going back to work after Max was born. Rob was deployed and quite honestly a neverending 24 hour cycle of me and max and me and max and just me and max was not doing much to improve what I had left of my sanity. The regular and predictable schedule of our days helped pass the time. My friends at work made me laugh and took my mind off of the things I tried hard not to think about. My paychecks amplified our ability to pay off debt and figure out how to be better stewards of all that we are given.
Despite the positives I wasn't happy with my career. I wanted something much greater than a title and a raise. I wanted to enjoy what I did and that was where I struggled. I remember when I figured out the problem. (I) had followed MY path with little consideration as to what God wanted from my life. In college (I) decided that if (I) could pick any job (I) would be a wedding planner. How (I) stumbled into that exact job is comical. (I) was 2nd picks for the position and only through my annoying follow up calls did (I) happen to get hired.(I)ronic that just one year into my career that (I) chose (I) was miserable.
In that time frame I submitted my job to God. I prayed for strength to handle the daily challenges. I prayed for change. I prayed that I would get this job or that job or another job.
He said No.
And I waited.
I never desired to be a stay at home mom. Those women who chose to do so seemed like they were a planet away from my desires. I didn't understand why you would go to college and then decide to not work in your field. I didn't get it.
Once Max was born I understood WHY other mothers chose to stay at home with their kids. It was HARD to leave my 12 week old at daycare. It was HARD to juggle everything. It was hard to put him to bed at 7:30, exhausted from a day surrounded by other kids and noise and know that I missed out on a lot.
BUT I STILL DIDN'T DESIRE TO STAY AT HOME.
I was simply waiting for a DIFFERENT job.
In those last 3 years that I worked God taught me a lot about waiting and obedience. And in that time HE changed my heart. Out of nowhere I started to consider what would be ideal. Ideally I would work part time. I love being around people and accomplishing things. I like checking off a to-do list and helping to achieve something greater than myself. I like spending time with coworkers and getting to know people. I enjoyed those things. Even our pesky deployment reinforced the theme that God was revealing to me day by day. WAIT. And while you wait, OBEY.
Somehow through those years my heart was softened to staying at home. And gradually each tear streaked strand of our life, stained with His No's and strengthened by the Wait were woven together to form a new plan for our family. Somehow He used every challenge and every struggle to paint a picture of what I desired...before I even knew that I desired it.
It is only possible for me to be at home now because of our obedience, the wait, the deployment, our schedules, doors that were closed, other doors that were opened, two part time jobs, circumstances changing and hearts that were open to His plan. All of those worked together for our good even though sometimes they didn't feel good. At all.
There is NOTHING wrong with being a working mom, a stay at home mom or any combination of the two. What is RIGHT is being obedient to what HE desires for your family. It may change in the coming years. It may not. You might live your plan from the get go, or you might have to take 772 detours to get where you need to be. You might be blessed enough to find your place tomorrow, or He might ask you to wait, and wait, and wait some more. What is most important is your willingness to be obedient to what He determines is best for you and yours. What does that mean for you?
Jesi
I don't have a lot of patience. Well somedays I do! Somedays when Max moves at a snails pace, taking an average of 32 minutes to move towards me to get dressed or changed or whatever I just smile and relax. Other days I grab him and get him moving. My patience level comes and goes with a regular sense of irregularity.
After my last post I started thinking about how I felt when I was in a stage of waiting. I was a working mama for 2 years and I am quite proud that I managed to not pull my hair out while managing a thriving business in a crazy industry, my tastefully simple business, social obligations, family, friends, my husband, max and half of that time was during our deployment. I don't regret going back to work after Max was born. Rob was deployed and quite honestly a neverending 24 hour cycle of me and max and me and max and just me and max was not doing much to improve what I had left of my sanity. The regular and predictable schedule of our days helped pass the time. My friends at work made me laugh and took my mind off of the things I tried hard not to think about. My paychecks amplified our ability to pay off debt and figure out how to be better stewards of all that we are given.
Despite the positives I wasn't happy with my career. I wanted something much greater than a title and a raise. I wanted to enjoy what I did and that was where I struggled. I remember when I figured out the problem. (I) had followed MY path with little consideration as to what God wanted from my life. In college (I) decided that if (I) could pick any job (I) would be a wedding planner. How (I) stumbled into that exact job is comical. (I) was 2nd picks for the position and only through my annoying follow up calls did (I) happen to get hired.(I)ronic that just one year into my career that (I) chose (I) was miserable.
In that time frame I submitted my job to God. I prayed for strength to handle the daily challenges. I prayed for change. I prayed that I would get this job or that job or another job.
He said No.
And I waited.
I never desired to be a stay at home mom. Those women who chose to do so seemed like they were a planet away from my desires. I didn't understand why you would go to college and then decide to not work in your field. I didn't get it.
Once Max was born I understood WHY other mothers chose to stay at home with their kids. It was HARD to leave my 12 week old at daycare. It was HARD to juggle everything. It was hard to put him to bed at 7:30, exhausted from a day surrounded by other kids and noise and know that I missed out on a lot.
BUT I STILL DIDN'T DESIRE TO STAY AT HOME.
I was simply waiting for a DIFFERENT job.
In those last 3 years that I worked God taught me a lot about waiting and obedience. And in that time HE changed my heart. Out of nowhere I started to consider what would be ideal. Ideally I would work part time. I love being around people and accomplishing things. I like checking off a to-do list and helping to achieve something greater than myself. I like spending time with coworkers and getting to know people. I enjoyed those things. Even our pesky deployment reinforced the theme that God was revealing to me day by day. WAIT. And while you wait, OBEY.
Somehow through those years my heart was softened to staying at home. And gradually each tear streaked strand of our life, stained with His No's and strengthened by the Wait were woven together to form a new plan for our family. Somehow He used every challenge and every struggle to paint a picture of what I desired...before I even knew that I desired it.
It is only possible for me to be at home now because of our obedience, the wait, the deployment, our schedules, doors that were closed, other doors that were opened, two part time jobs, circumstances changing and hearts that were open to His plan. All of those worked together for our good even though sometimes they didn't feel good. At all.
There is NOTHING wrong with being a working mom, a stay at home mom or any combination of the two. What is RIGHT is being obedient to what HE desires for your family. It may change in the coming years. It may not. You might live your plan from the get go, or you might have to take 772 detours to get where you need to be. You might be blessed enough to find your place tomorrow, or He might ask you to wait, and wait, and wait some more. What is most important is your willingness to be obedient to what He determines is best for you and yours. What does that mean for you?
Jesi
Thursday, January 21, 2010
For His Glory
Can I just say that I LOVE my Womens Bible Study. It has seriously been exactly what I needed. I wish that my thoughts after each week were more cohesive. I know I blabber on and on and you probably don't even understand what I am trying to get at. But that's ok. It's really a work between me and Him and that is why I sit down to write it out. I want to remember and reflect on the things that He is revealing to me. And by golly this blog is where that's gonna happen.
I talked a little bit about it before but I have been really pressed on to focus on the mind games and all the head junk that go along with my struggles with a healthy body. Well when God opened that lovely door to this Bible Study He knew exactly where he was sending me.
I want to talk more about that but I first I want to talk about last week.
Let me be honest. It's been over a week since last weeks study and my brain is a little foggy. And that's ok because what I DO remember is probably one of the most important things that Natalie touched on.
God always ALWAYS always reveals HIS glory before He reveals his character.
What the heck does that mean?
Well in the Bible we read a lot of stories regarding the tabernacle in which He literally would bring down His glory before He would reveal WHO he WAS to those people. We're talking heavy clouds of glory or flames, or fires. Now that is some glory. Only after that would He let the people know who He was. A good God, a kind God, a God deserving of our praise. But first yall, He was sure to let us know exactly how glorious He is. Glory first-character second.
We don't get that these days. We don't see a cloud press down on the sky before God booms out who He is. But nothing has changed. God is in it for His Glory. We as his temple are here to proclaim HIS glory. Not our own. It's really not about us. It's not about our pride, our strengths, our struggles, our successes, our preferences, our comfort or discomfort. It's about bringing Glory to HIM.
I started thinking about how much our life has changed in the past year. We have made some BIG decisions as a family. Probably the biggest is that we decided that I would quit my job to stay at home with Max and return to VSA working part time. We prayed about it and thought about it and analyzed it and we finally decided that was the best thing for us. Well it has been. I love being home with Max. I love that we are being gifted with Stella and that it's welcome and wonderful because we don't have to fear spending two thousand dollars per month on childcare. I love that I get to snuggle with my baby boy in the mornings and that my house is fairing better and that I get to do things for Rob that I might not have done before. I love those things and I am so grateful that we sought God on that decision. That He led us to this place. That essentially He ok'd our plan and we have been blessed and provided for over and over again.
But it's not about US. It's not about any of that.
If God is truly interested in His glory then HE ALLOWED us to be in this situation because it brings more Glory to HIM.
What brings more glory to God? Our family having two working parents, me making a pretty good income with some cushy perks and a cool title but hating the day to day grind. OR me staying at home with our kiddos, pretty dang poor on paper yet ALWAYS provided for, ALWAYS blessed, everything ALWAYS working out in our favor. In which of those situations does the Glory fall to Him? From my opened eyes I feel like THAT is why I am staying at home. Yes I love Max and I love being at home and I love not dreading Monday mornings. But what I really love is people wondering how the heck we can swing it? How does that work? We have everything we need and often more. But if you looked at our income on paper you would probably laugh and think we are crazy. We KNOW that all things are provided for us because of our faithfulness to tithe and our belief in His provisions. So to people who do not understand those things our life NOW is a testimony to His faithfulness. Our life now reflects back to Him. Our life now doesn't always afford us the luxury of extra. But our life now ALWAY affords us the luxury of pointing the glory back to Him. And that's what He is all about. His Glory.
To God Alone be the Glory.
Jesi
I talked a little bit about it before but I have been really pressed on to focus on the mind games and all the head junk that go along with my struggles with a healthy body. Well when God opened that lovely door to this Bible Study He knew exactly where he was sending me.
I want to talk more about that but I first I want to talk about last week.
Let me be honest. It's been over a week since last weeks study and my brain is a little foggy. And that's ok because what I DO remember is probably one of the most important things that Natalie touched on.
God always ALWAYS always reveals HIS glory before He reveals his character.
What the heck does that mean?
Well in the Bible we read a lot of stories regarding the tabernacle in which He literally would bring down His glory before He would reveal WHO he WAS to those people. We're talking heavy clouds of glory or flames, or fires. Now that is some glory. Only after that would He let the people know who He was. A good God, a kind God, a God deserving of our praise. But first yall, He was sure to let us know exactly how glorious He is. Glory first-character second.
We don't get that these days. We don't see a cloud press down on the sky before God booms out who He is. But nothing has changed. God is in it for His Glory. We as his temple are here to proclaim HIS glory. Not our own. It's really not about us. It's not about our pride, our strengths, our struggles, our successes, our preferences, our comfort or discomfort. It's about bringing Glory to HIM.
I started thinking about how much our life has changed in the past year. We have made some BIG decisions as a family. Probably the biggest is that we decided that I would quit my job to stay at home with Max and return to VSA working part time. We prayed about it and thought about it and analyzed it and we finally decided that was the best thing for us. Well it has been. I love being home with Max. I love that we are being gifted with Stella and that it's welcome and wonderful because we don't have to fear spending two thousand dollars per month on childcare. I love that I get to snuggle with my baby boy in the mornings and that my house is fairing better and that I get to do things for Rob that I might not have done before. I love those things and I am so grateful that we sought God on that decision. That He led us to this place. That essentially He ok'd our plan and we have been blessed and provided for over and over again.
But it's not about US. It's not about any of that.
If God is truly interested in His glory then HE ALLOWED us to be in this situation because it brings more Glory to HIM.
What brings more glory to God? Our family having two working parents, me making a pretty good income with some cushy perks and a cool title but hating the day to day grind. OR me staying at home with our kiddos, pretty dang poor on paper yet ALWAYS provided for, ALWAYS blessed, everything ALWAYS working out in our favor. In which of those situations does the Glory fall to Him? From my opened eyes I feel like THAT is why I am staying at home. Yes I love Max and I love being at home and I love not dreading Monday mornings. But what I really love is people wondering how the heck we can swing it? How does that work? We have everything we need and often more. But if you looked at our income on paper you would probably laugh and think we are crazy. We KNOW that all things are provided for us because of our faithfulness to tithe and our belief in His provisions. So to people who do not understand those things our life NOW is a testimony to His faithfulness. Our life now reflects back to Him. Our life now doesn't always afford us the luxury of extra. But our life now ALWAY affords us the luxury of pointing the glory back to Him. And that's what He is all about. His Glory.
To God Alone be the Glory.
Jesi
Thursday, January 7, 2010
God is cool. *a very long post*
Well you might already know that but I'm just sayin.
Last night I met my sister in law Danielle to attend a womens bible study that is through our newer church. Something that was really important to me in changing churches was that we get more connected and form more relationships within the church. Unfortunately we haven't been able to connect with a life group because our schedule is a little crazy. Since I quit my job I work at VSA on Monday and Tuesday evenings so those nights are out. Then Wednesdays Rob had class. So our only family nights were Thursday and Friday plus the weekends BUT I do have a thriving business with Tastefully Simple and you guessed it...thursdays, fridays and saturdays are my prime days for parties. So needless to say it was difficult to find a day that worked.
So when a new bible study started on Wednesday nights and Robs school schedule changed I decided I *might* try it out. You know the feeling. You think it's exactly what you need but you sorta drag your feet for no good reason and hesitate to commit because your life is overcommitted as it is.
Well last night I had all the reasons not to go. Because Max hadn't napped a wink all day and then I took him to a 2 hour playdate with our friends Heather and her daughter, ahem, I mean Max's girlfriend. He was exhausted and a TOTAL crankpot by the time we made it home.
The temperature was dropping and I had on darn cute flats without socks.
The good news is I had already extended the invitation to Danielle and she wanted to go so God did a neat little job of roping me into it despite my reservations and plain ol laziness.
WOW. I love when He does that. Because He normally does that when there are really good things involved.
When we arrived I recognized Natalie right away. Pretty easy since I have been reading her blog for the past two years. Lonnnnnnnng story short my friend Julie works at our church. Natalie and her husband led a lifegroup that Julie and her husband Trevor were a part of. So I knew of them through the grapevine. Julie recommended that I read Cindy Beall's blog because she rocks so I did and on her link love I found Natalies blog and have been reading both of them for awhile now. The blog bug bit me hard when Rob was deployed so I found a lot of great blogs.
Anywhoo, Cindy was there too along with lots of other women that I recognize from church and a few unfamiliar faces. Last connection of the day is that ANOTHER amazing blogger that I get the privilege of knowing in real life is Andi Hawkins who is also known as the Running Mama and she and Cindy have reconnected through the blogosphere as well. Shewwwwww, I tell you all that just because I think it's pretty cool how God is invested in the details and the connecting points of our lives.
Ok the REAL reason I say that God is cool was because of the subject matter. I had no idea walking in what we were going to be studying. Natalie quickly explained that our first 5 weeks were going to be focused on studying the tabernacle of the Old Testament and the temple of the New Testament. I have read these verses before, I mean it's pretty common subject matter that we are the temple of God in the New Testament and I have looked and read and thought about those verses frequently in the past two years as I have focused on my health.
But NEVER had I studied the tabernacle in the Old Testament. I have probably skipped over the talk of the tabernacle in Exodus many times because let's get real, it's long and it's very detailed. And if you aren't correlating it to the TEMPLE of the New Testament aka US then its a little tedious to read. What Natalie did an awesome job of doing was opening my eyes to was the care, attention, and love that God put into the details of the O.T. tabernacle. Then when you STOP and think that same care, attention and love is exactly what he wants for us as his TEMPLE then it takes on a WHOLE NEW FREAKIN COOL meaning.
Where it really really really hit home though was that the past few weeks God has been working on my heart about my health, ahem, again. It seemed like a weird time for that to be on my heart because um yeah I am pregnant. It's not the time I can go start a new routine or cut my calories or whatever. But I knew that there was a definite calling going on to spend time thinking about my health. I knew it wasn't a call to do something physical but rather emotional and mental. I am TIRED of not feeling healthy. I am TIRED of the condemnation *eh eh Natalie* that I have felt about my weight struggles. But what can I do about it when I have 18 more weeks of baby growing going on?
THIS. This study is EXACTLY what I can do while I grow baby Stella. I can study and read and learn and roll around and relish reading the details of God's care for the tabernacle and then I can sit and let Him smack me in the head while I realize that THIS IS WHY WE ARE THE TEMPLE. AND THIS IS WHY WE HAVE BEEN CALLED TO TREAT OURSELVES AS SUCH. AND THIS IS WHY I CANNOT MOVE FORWARD UNTIL I FIGURE IT ALL OUT!
I am too excited to go back and read and edit this gigantically long post. I just had to write it out because although you might be completely confused and see no connection whatsoever I felt like God played connect the dots with me last night. Ding, Ding, Ding, I get it. And I am so thankful that I went last night.
God is cool.
Jesi
Last night I met my sister in law Danielle to attend a womens bible study that is through our newer church. Something that was really important to me in changing churches was that we get more connected and form more relationships within the church. Unfortunately we haven't been able to connect with a life group because our schedule is a little crazy. Since I quit my job I work at VSA on Monday and Tuesday evenings so those nights are out. Then Wednesdays Rob had class. So our only family nights were Thursday and Friday plus the weekends BUT I do have a thriving business with Tastefully Simple and you guessed it...thursdays, fridays and saturdays are my prime days for parties. So needless to say it was difficult to find a day that worked.
So when a new bible study started on Wednesday nights and Robs school schedule changed I decided I *might* try it out. You know the feeling. You think it's exactly what you need but you sorta drag your feet for no good reason and hesitate to commit because your life is overcommitted as it is.
Well last night I had all the reasons not to go. Because Max hadn't napped a wink all day and then I took him to a 2 hour playdate with our friends Heather and her daughter, ahem, I mean Max's girlfriend. He was exhausted and a TOTAL crankpot by the time we made it home.
The temperature was dropping and I had on darn cute flats without socks.
The good news is I had already extended the invitation to Danielle and she wanted to go so God did a neat little job of roping me into it despite my reservations and plain ol laziness.
WOW. I love when He does that. Because He normally does that when there are really good things involved.
When we arrived I recognized Natalie right away. Pretty easy since I have been reading her blog for the past two years. Lonnnnnnnng story short my friend Julie works at our church. Natalie and her husband led a lifegroup that Julie and her husband Trevor were a part of. So I knew of them through the grapevine. Julie recommended that I read Cindy Beall's blog because she rocks so I did and on her link love I found Natalies blog and have been reading both of them for awhile now. The blog bug bit me hard when Rob was deployed so I found a lot of great blogs.
Anywhoo, Cindy was there too along with lots of other women that I recognize from church and a few unfamiliar faces. Last connection of the day is that ANOTHER amazing blogger that I get the privilege of knowing in real life is Andi Hawkins who is also known as the Running Mama and she and Cindy have reconnected through the blogosphere as well. Shewwwwww, I tell you all that just because I think it's pretty cool how God is invested in the details and the connecting points of our lives.
Ok the REAL reason I say that God is cool was because of the subject matter. I had no idea walking in what we were going to be studying. Natalie quickly explained that our first 5 weeks were going to be focused on studying the tabernacle of the Old Testament and the temple of the New Testament. I have read these verses before, I mean it's pretty common subject matter that we are the temple of God in the New Testament and I have looked and read and thought about those verses frequently in the past two years as I have focused on my health.
But NEVER had I studied the tabernacle in the Old Testament. I have probably skipped over the talk of the tabernacle in Exodus many times because let's get real, it's long and it's very detailed. And if you aren't correlating it to the TEMPLE of the New Testament aka US then its a little tedious to read. What Natalie did an awesome job of doing was opening my eyes to was the care, attention, and love that God put into the details of the O.T. tabernacle. Then when you STOP and think that same care, attention and love is exactly what he wants for us as his TEMPLE then it takes on a WHOLE NEW FREAKIN COOL meaning.
Where it really really really hit home though was that the past few weeks God has been working on my heart about my health, ahem, again. It seemed like a weird time for that to be on my heart because um yeah I am pregnant. It's not the time I can go start a new routine or cut my calories or whatever. But I knew that there was a definite calling going on to spend time thinking about my health. I knew it wasn't a call to do something physical but rather emotional and mental. I am TIRED of not feeling healthy. I am TIRED of the condemnation *eh eh Natalie* that I have felt about my weight struggles. But what can I do about it when I have 18 more weeks of baby growing going on?
THIS. This study is EXACTLY what I can do while I grow baby Stella. I can study and read and learn and roll around and relish reading the details of God's care for the tabernacle and then I can sit and let Him smack me in the head while I realize that THIS IS WHY WE ARE THE TEMPLE. AND THIS IS WHY WE HAVE BEEN CALLED TO TREAT OURSELVES AS SUCH. AND THIS IS WHY I CANNOT MOVE FORWARD UNTIL I FIGURE IT ALL OUT!
I am too excited to go back and read and edit this gigantically long post. I just had to write it out because although you might be completely confused and see no connection whatsoever I felt like God played connect the dots with me last night. Ding, Ding, Ding, I get it. And I am so thankful that I went last night.
God is cool.
Jesi
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
heartache
Sometimes it seems like there are too many hurts.
I am not talking about anything having to do with me or my family.
But sometimes when you look around it's just so easy to see how much we are surrounded by hurting people. Some of those people have a faith that can move mountains. That inspires you to move bolder, with more purpose and with more respect for the things that don't hurt.
Like her.
Sweet Laynie.
My friend Lacey had this sweet baby girl almost 2 years ago now. Laynie's story is a long one but one SO worth telling. Let's just say that she is a miracle of God's faithfulness. Her life and her story have changed others.
Then there my friend H.
Her husband is deployed. She is here with her sweet daughter who is just a month younger than Max. She inspires me everyday. Her honesty, her love, her parenting, her survival instincts. She's a strong one. It pains me to think about her not living near me...but that's the life of a military family.
What about the girl I have never met but I think of as a friend?
Her son is in the hospital right now with a really ugly case of bacterial pneumonia. It's hurting her heart to see him struggling for breath. Despite the doctors thinking he will be ok. She is hurting and it makes me hurt too.
The person struggling to conceive a child.
The pain that I don't have to understand. My heart aches for them.
The lady living in Holland. Her life forever changed by the "special needs" of her little boy. His smile lights up her world and her strength makes me feel weak.
The family who lost a mother just a few weeks ago. 4 kids courageously stepping up to the plate to make sure that things get taken care of. A friend who goes out of her way to help them. A simple pick up that makes all the difference.
Two little boys who lost their dog. Understanding death for the first time. Losing pets, another life experience that squeezes your heart.
The lady on the side of the road. Tonight I drove past her. Sat in my car and wondered what her story was. Is she really homeless? Is she really hurting? To be honest I am not entirely sure.
It's hard to see the people around us hurting. To remember that we live in a lost and fallen world. To find faith and victory, reassurance and hope amongst the pain.
Sometimes it's hard.
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid."
Hebrews 13:5-6
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Ramblings
I haven’t written in so long I feel like I forgot what to do for a second. To be honest it has been a LONG 6 weeks notice at the theatre. There were days that I felt like I was still never leaving. I tried really hard to do the honorable thing and stick it out, doing the best that I could. In that time they finally hired my replacement. While he isn’t who I would have chosen I have trained him, prepared him, tested him and left him with as much information as I possibly could. And that is all that I wanted these past few weeks, was to leave the door open with a positive ending. Something my friend said to me one time reverberated in my head, her husband reminded her that when she left her job she wanted to leave it on the best terms. Not because she was bitter and rude, or left behind a mess but that she wanted to leave them remembering how great it was when she was there.
Despite the difficulty in having such an attitude of peace I managed to scrape through these past few weeks. I walked through the theatre today and looked around. It’s so much different than it was when I started 4 years ago. The lights have changed, the bar is different, and the room shines with a granditude that was once missing. There are floating memories throughout the space, escalated by the blue jazz pouring out of the new speakers. I see weddings and parties, dancing and laughter, friends, hugs, tears, bad memories, good memories, hellos and goodbyes. I remember the high I felt when I first started. I remember the lows I felt when I didn’t think I could work there another day.
Two years ago I felt God speaking to me about my job. He told me that I had stood long enough at this mountain. At the time I thought it was my time to go. Two years later I understand more of what He was teaching me. I was done standing at the base of the mountain. It was time to climb. I cannot say that I always gave 100% of myself to this place but I am ok with that. I gave 100% of myself to God in that moment. I forgot about what I wanted. I waited because it was what HE laid out for our family. I hung in there through the early morning events, the arguments and the meeting of a lifetime when I was told I lacked passion. I waited because He kept shutting the door to other opportunities. The timing was never right, the situation was never right and in THAT moment this is where I was supposed to be.
FOUR years after I started, NOW it is time for me to move into the light. In my sacrifice and prayer and the hidden desires of my heart, I hid in Him. He and only He has brought us to this place. He has confirmed my decision to leave and be home with Max over and over again. We have been financially blessed in my last days here. He has provided OVER what we need. He has gifted me with a husband who is financially wise and careful but who believes fully in the tithe that provides for our family. He has held me in his grasp and danced me back to my calling. Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Teacher, Helper, Encourager. I cannot think of anywhere else I want to be than this place where I feel joy and peace at submitting to his will. It is glorious and the glory belongs to God.
Always,
Jesi
Psalms 30:11-12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
Despite the difficulty in having such an attitude of peace I managed to scrape through these past few weeks. I walked through the theatre today and looked around. It’s so much different than it was when I started 4 years ago. The lights have changed, the bar is different, and the room shines with a granditude that was once missing. There are floating memories throughout the space, escalated by the blue jazz pouring out of the new speakers. I see weddings and parties, dancing and laughter, friends, hugs, tears, bad memories, good memories, hellos and goodbyes. I remember the high I felt when I first started. I remember the lows I felt when I didn’t think I could work there another day.
Two years ago I felt God speaking to me about my job. He told me that I had stood long enough at this mountain. At the time I thought it was my time to go. Two years later I understand more of what He was teaching me. I was done standing at the base of the mountain. It was time to climb. I cannot say that I always gave 100% of myself to this place but I am ok with that. I gave 100% of myself to God in that moment. I forgot about what I wanted. I waited because it was what HE laid out for our family. I hung in there through the early morning events, the arguments and the meeting of a lifetime when I was told I lacked passion. I waited because He kept shutting the door to other opportunities. The timing was never right, the situation was never right and in THAT moment this is where I was supposed to be.
FOUR years after I started, NOW it is time for me to move into the light. In my sacrifice and prayer and the hidden desires of my heart, I hid in Him. He and only He has brought us to this place. He has confirmed my decision to leave and be home with Max over and over again. We have been financially blessed in my last days here. He has provided OVER what we need. He has gifted me with a husband who is financially wise and careful but who believes fully in the tithe that provides for our family. He has held me in his grasp and danced me back to my calling. Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Teacher, Helper, Encourager. I cannot think of anywhere else I want to be than this place where I feel joy and peace at submitting to his will. It is glorious and the glory belongs to God.
Always,
Jesi
Psalms 30:11-12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Happy Birthday To ME!
http://lifewithmadmax.blogspot.com/2008/06/happy-birthday-to-me.html
The link above is my Birthday post from last year...man time has truly flown by and I am so happy that this year is different than last.
Last year I was in the midst of our deployment, also known as, the hardest year of my life.
This year my husband kissed me good morning and wished me a Happy Birthday and no talk of deployments has been brought up of late.
Last year I worked 14 hours the weekend before my birthday executing my friend Sally's wedding.
This year Sally is pregnant and I relaxed all weekend long.
Last year Max was a chunky monkey who couldn't walk, couldn't talk and did not sleep for anything.
This year Max is a lean mean toddler machine, who ran circles around me this morning, demanded milk and elmo, wished me a "happy" but no birthday and slept from 8:30PM-6:30 AM. Can I get an Amen?
Last year I sat in M's nursery and sobbed my heart out to God, questioned His plan for us, and begged to know WHY.
This year I praised His grace, infinite mercy, understanding and forethought as I listened to music in the car.
Last year I was broken but healing.
This year I am healed, drawn closer, learning, changing, and constantly in awe of everything He has worked together for good.
Last year I was 28 pounds heavier.
This year I am 28 pounds lighter.
Last year I didn't know if I would make it to October.
This year I am cherishing the days until my baby turns two.
Last year Rob missed my 8th birthday in the nine years we had been together.
This year Rob is here with me for the 2nd time in 10 years, on my birthday!
Last year I figured out who God really is and how much He loves me.
This year I know who God is and how much I love Him.
This year is better than last year. And I hope it just gets better and better.
Always,
Jesi
The link above is my Birthday post from last year...man time has truly flown by and I am so happy that this year is different than last.
Last year I was in the midst of our deployment, also known as, the hardest year of my life.
This year my husband kissed me good morning and wished me a Happy Birthday and no talk of deployments has been brought up of late.
Last year I worked 14 hours the weekend before my birthday executing my friend Sally's wedding.
This year Sally is pregnant and I relaxed all weekend long.
Last year Max was a chunky monkey who couldn't walk, couldn't talk and did not sleep for anything.
This year Max is a lean mean toddler machine, who ran circles around me this morning, demanded milk and elmo, wished me a "happy" but no birthday and slept from 8:30PM-6:30 AM. Can I get an Amen?
Last year I sat in M's nursery and sobbed my heart out to God, questioned His plan for us, and begged to know WHY.
This year I praised His grace, infinite mercy, understanding and forethought as I listened to music in the car.
Last year I was broken but healing.
This year I am healed, drawn closer, learning, changing, and constantly in awe of everything He has worked together for good.
Last year I was 28 pounds heavier.
This year I am 28 pounds lighter.
Last year I didn't know if I would make it to October.
This year I am cherishing the days until my baby turns two.
Last year Rob missed my 8th birthday in the nine years we had been together.
This year Rob is here with me for the 2nd time in 10 years, on my birthday!
Last year I figured out who God really is and how much He loves me.
This year I know who God is and how much I love Him.
This year is better than last year. And I hope it just gets better and better.
Always,
Jesi
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Root of the Problem
If you hop on over to www.cindybeall.com Cindy is talking about how she broke the cycle of overeating and her rewarded system and obsession of food. On Monday she encouraged us to think about the root of the problem. This is something that we talked about in my BABES group as well with Barb but I have to admit that it is something that I struggled with.
Last night I spent some time in prayer asking God to reveal the root of my food issues. I need to know where these issues come from before I can ever be fully healed of this struggle in my life.
Several years ago, I remember telling a friend of mine that I felt like God made me struggle with my weight to keep me humble. I have always been a natural leader and naturally confident, I truly felt in that moment that if God had given me a beautifully lean size 6 body I would be the world's meanest mean girl. I don't know if that is true or not, seeing as how I will never aim to be a size 6 but I do know one thing. God did not "make me struggle with my weight"
Did He know that it would be a struggle for me? Yes. Could He have given me that perfect size 6 body? Yes! Did He blast me with a bubble butt, curvy hips and chestiness to make me humble? No.
SO back to the ROOT. After prayer God led me to remember one of the first times that someone made fun of me. I mean, really made fun of me at school. This boy was such a jerk to me and I remember being mortified as he called me names. And in that moment I felt Unworthy.
Then I remembered the first time it was ever suggested that maybe I should lose weight. Before that moment I was just a child, I had never even comprehended weight. I flitted around in my ruffle butt swimsuits so proud that I could swim across the pool underwater. WEIGHT never entered my mind. But in the MOMENT that it was merely suggested that I COULD lose some weight, that instantaneously became that I SHOULD lose weight and in that moment I felt like I wasn't good enough as I was, I was unworthy.
STILL to this day, when I have run into a brick wall with my weight/food issues I no fail jump right off the deep end into feeling Unworthy. As if my WORTH to those who surround me is not about who I am, what I do, how I act, how I love, who I love, but what I weigh. The weight ALWAYS takes me right back to feeling unworthy.
Unworthiness is quite the root. It is firmly planted in my gut, with tendrils of roots that have furled themselves around so much of who I am. Breaking the root will take a lot of work, breaking each of those tendrils that tell me I am not worthy of His love, his love, his love, your love.
Even though it is a painful revelation to reveal, a confession I would rather keep private, I think I need to talk more about it. I 100% believe that weight is an area that the devil uses against women to keep them in bondage, inable to live in true freedom with Christ.
I don't want to be wrapped up in unworthiness. I would much rather be wrapped up in Him.
Always,
Jesi
Last night I spent some time in prayer asking God to reveal the root of my food issues. I need to know where these issues come from before I can ever be fully healed of this struggle in my life.
Several years ago, I remember telling a friend of mine that I felt like God made me struggle with my weight to keep me humble. I have always been a natural leader and naturally confident, I truly felt in that moment that if God had given me a beautifully lean size 6 body I would be the world's meanest mean girl. I don't know if that is true or not, seeing as how I will never aim to be a size 6 but I do know one thing. God did not "make me struggle with my weight"
Did He know that it would be a struggle for me? Yes. Could He have given me that perfect size 6 body? Yes! Did He blast me with a bubble butt, curvy hips and chestiness to make me humble? No.
SO back to the ROOT. After prayer God led me to remember one of the first times that someone made fun of me. I mean, really made fun of me at school. This boy was such a jerk to me and I remember being mortified as he called me names. And in that moment I felt Unworthy.
Then I remembered the first time it was ever suggested that maybe I should lose weight. Before that moment I was just a child, I had never even comprehended weight. I flitted around in my ruffle butt swimsuits so proud that I could swim across the pool underwater. WEIGHT never entered my mind. But in the MOMENT that it was merely suggested that I COULD lose some weight, that instantaneously became that I SHOULD lose weight and in that moment I felt like I wasn't good enough as I was, I was unworthy.
STILL to this day, when I have run into a brick wall with my weight/food issues I no fail jump right off the deep end into feeling Unworthy. As if my WORTH to those who surround me is not about who I am, what I do, how I act, how I love, who I love, but what I weigh. The weight ALWAYS takes me right back to feeling unworthy.
Unworthiness is quite the root. It is firmly planted in my gut, with tendrils of roots that have furled themselves around so much of who I am. Breaking the root will take a lot of work, breaking each of those tendrils that tell me I am not worthy of His love, his love, his love, your love.
Even though it is a painful revelation to reveal, a confession I would rather keep private, I think I need to talk more about it. I 100% believe that weight is an area that the devil uses against women to keep them in bondage, inable to live in true freedom with Christ.
I don't want to be wrapped up in unworthiness. I would much rather be wrapped up in Him.
Always,
Jesi
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