So let me share a quick story with you...something is wrong with Max. He developed a nasty fever over the weekend and it then it went down but he is not sleeping. Literally I am a walking zombie today, only awake thanks to some Folgers (sidenote-thanks to Dave Ramsey I did make my own coffee to save $) this morning.
The past four nights Max has been up almost all night long. I feel like he is a newborn again, we are talking every hour at most. The longest stretch of consecutive sleep has been 2 hours. He is just uncomfortable and restless and last night around 2:30 AM I reached my breaking point. He was crying again in bed with me and I was crying out to the Lord, WHY LORD? WHY? I know there is a reason that we are enduring this season alone, I know that this is a part of your plan but please reveal yourself to me. Please show me WHY or tell me something. I don't know if I can do this any longer.
I took Max back to his room because I needed a sanity break. I stood in front of his crib swaying back and forth with him, as the music on his little crib toy played softly and I cried out in frustration and exhaustion to the Lord. I need you to show yourself to me Lord.
And I looked up and all I could see in the darkness was Prove Yourself, part of the wall quote on Max's wall above his crib. From Pinochio, not the bible...I looked down at my drowsy child. Tears threatened my eyes again and I looked up once again. You Must Prove Yourself
Oh Lord, am I not? What does that mean? Why do I need to prove myself to you? I thought that you would carry me through this as a Father does a child, what do I have to PROVE. For the first time that night I layed Max down and he slept. I crept back to bed and vowed to figure out the His message today.
So I found the time and used my trusty friend, Google to do some research and what I found was so simple but so profound to me.
Here is the link
Basically it is all about overcoming adversity. Here are few tidbits that refreshed my soul.
James 1:2 reframes trials.
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Thank You Lord for reframing this trial for me. Thank you for testing me with this adversity, for developing my perserverance and my character and for bringing me closer to you through it all.
Adversity expands our capacity to serve God.
This is so true for each of us. It is in difficult times that we tend to lean on God more and more. We turn to him when in doubt, when we are tired and weary and surrounded by the outsiders. How blessed am I that he has given me this time frame to take away distraction and lean on Him more completely. To surround myself in his presence.
I don’t know what kind of adversity you’re facing, but I know that God is in the remodeling business. And instead of being in such a hurry to get out of adverse situations, sometimes we need to make sure we get something out of those adverse situations! There are lessons to be learned and character traits to be developed. And honestly, it is adversity that will present you with the greatest opportunity to prove yourself as a parent, a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, and a leader.This was a BIG one for me. As you probably know I am WISHING this deployment away. I am willing time to pass more quickly and what I gleaned today was this. This is what the Lord spoke to me.
Stop, slow down and use this trial, this adversity to mold you closer to what I want you to be Jess. Learn what I want you to learn. Turn to me in this time of need and I will turn this challenge into your destiny. You asked Me to take over, you asked Me to guide your path, you surrendered yourself to MY PLAN for you many months ago and this is it. I did not ask you to live easy, I did not ask you to sacrifice everything, I only asked of you this. Live this, Love this, and Learn This and I will lead you into places greater than you have imagined. Give up control once again and surrender to me and I will develop this day your destiny.
So I am doing it. I am accepting the deployment as part of His plan and the trigger to a destiny that to be honest I cannot see right now. I do know this...many months ago I found hope in the words of a song, If this is what it takes to bring you glory, Jesus bring the rain.
Bring the Rain Lord. I am ready, Bring the Rain.