Monday, July 7, 2008

His Plan

Do you know your Ministry?

I am envious. Because I have NO IDEA what mine is…I realized early last year that I had always tried to control God’s plan for my life, but especially my career. I NEVER asked him what He wanted me to do. I didn’t want to. Insert stomping feet here. I KNEW what I wanted to do, and I didn’t want Him telling me to do something different and then have to deal with feelings of conviction so I flat out ignored Him. Much like a toddler throwing a tantrum, I turned my back and crossed my arms.

How arrogant was I? Why did I think that I, at 22 years old knew better than God? Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t really understand what the heck I was thinking. But 2 years into my “DREAM JOB” I realized that I didn’t like MY plan for my life and I desperately wanted to know His plan for me. So I prayed about it, I prayed that God would take me out of my dream job and reveal His plan for me. After applying at a million places and not getting anything I got pregnant with Max. When I returned from Maternity leave to discover I had an amazing new boss, a company totally understanding of my temporary pseudo single mom status, and coworkers who haven’t given me the slightest bit of trouble for missing a million days of work because of those pesky germy daycare illnesses I knew that this was His plan for me RIGHT NOW.

Do I believe in my heart of hearts that this is His plan for me forever…Ummm NO. I don’t know what His plan is for me. And I admit I get impatient with Him. I want to know so badly, I am so desperate at times that I grasp at straws, reaching in a million different directions, questioning Him.

I do know this; God has vested in me a specific set of skills and talents. He formed me in His hand to live out a plan for my life that He knows. He knows my every step, He knows my path, and I just have to stop and trust Him.

So for now, I go to work everyday, reminding myself to be thankful for this set of circumstances that allow me to have a flexible schedule, and to be with Max as much as possible. And I spend time in prayer. I don’t know if His plan is for Sweet Bubbly Babies, if it is writing a book on surviving Motherhood when Daddy is deployed (something on my heart that I recently started), getting involved in a women’s ministry, opening a small business targeted to ALL Mom’s, featuring mom made products, books, and gifts and hosting Mom’s groups, Bible studies, and play groups. I DON’T KNOW! They are all in my heart; I have so much I want to do. I want to change my community, I want to help people, I want to make my God, my family and myself proud but most of all I just want to do what He wants me to do. And maybe that is the lesson He is trying to show me through it all.

Do you know His plan for your life?

Always
Jesi

1 comment:

Runningmama said...

Jesi-

You and I are so alike. I can't say there was ever a neon sign for me, but the next best thing was seeing Toby's face for the first time. All other plans fell from my view because my world had new purpose and vigor. Loving my boys is so easy, so natural. I let myself be consumed by it and it feels noble and satisfying.

I so wish you lived nearby. I could watch Max for you or take you to lunch. Did Savanah tell you that Suzanne delivered Charlie? I can't remember. It was not even wierd until later when I realized my little sister's pal just had her hand up my crotch. Ha!! I was at a 10 when I got to the hospital so there wasnt much time for forethought. She was a WONDERFUL nurse. It would be cool if we all lived near each other.

I am glad we can keep in touch on our blogs. Charlie is crying and snotting all over me so I better go.

Love ya so much!!