Friday, August 15, 2008

Revelation...(warning this is long)

Had a moment like that? When you finally realize what it’s really gonna take. You had a revelation about the reality of a situation.

Been there, done that, did it yesterday.

Yesterday at the doctor’s office as I spilled my guts about my struggle with weight I realized that nothing was going to change unless I CHANGED.

Confession-I don’t know if I have what it takes.

After having a nervous breakdown via phone with my mom and my husband I was encouraged by their encouragement. And I was tired of crying and I had a splitting headache.

I went and bought the cheapest MP3 player I could find…I need some slightly angry upbeat music to make it through my “barely breathing walk-jog” program. No Ipod here, I am way too cheap to spend money more than $50 on an MP3. And yes, the shuffle is $50 but so is the Sansa and it comes with an FM tuner and a video screen. Sansa wins.

I went to my favorite running store, OK Runner and was helped by the nicest guy. I realized that my $8 pink tennis shoes from Tar-Jay were not going to do the job. As he looked at my feet, Max rolling around the associates stool, he told me what I already knew “WOW! Your feet are almost flat!” But then he let Max play with lots of paper and boxes as he found me some incredibly supportive and cushy Brooks running shoes that he said would be perfect for gym, walking, jogging. And he said they would last a lot longer than my scruffy Tar-Jay tennis shoes. I don’t know about that mister…I have had these for a good two years. $8 divided by 2 years equals just one cent per day, these shoes were worth their $8!

(Side note-Did you know that you probably need a larger shoe size for exercise. I normally wear and 8.5 but my new Brooks are 9.5’s! Nice guy said your foot naturally moves forward in exercise and you need more space so that your toes don’t hurt by the end of your workout.)

Anywhoo. I decided yesterday after sobbing my guts out at seeing something in that doctors office, taking my start pictures (not cute, not cute), signing up for a daily online food journal that calculates calories, my new exercise paraphernalia, and a new really honest perspective and voice that it’s now or never.

God confirmed it to me in several ways. He doesn’t want me to try and take an easy way out. He wants me to put the effort in and change my life…

Remember the earlier Confession- I don’t know if I have what it takes.

Well this morning as I perused my normal blog list of my favorites I headed to “It’s a Plunderful Life” a blog dedicated to single moms. As a temporary pseudo single mom I have found some wonderful encouragement and have seen God working through this blog. So I headed over there, just one of my daily spots and started reading today’s blog, “The Greatest Story Ever Sold-Part Two”

WAIT. WHAT? “The greatest story ever sold is that YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES! That's a lie.”

God is so good; He shows us just what we need when we need it. He spoke to me in quiet whispers throughout last nights “barely breathing-walk-jog” and he let me sleep last night when the entire day caught up with me. He let me know that He loves me and THAT I DO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.

So the conclusion of today’s novella is this…I have to change my life. Completely. And it’s gonna be hard, real hard, it’s probably gonna SUCK at certain points. I can’t even see the finish line. I am at the very very beginning but I am ready.

I think.

Tomorrow should be interesting. I will share my thoughts on a heartbreaking moment. Unworthiness.

Stay tuned. And keep praying for me, especially for my own self discipline and also still for that job opportunity. It is still hanging out there and I am still waiting.



Natalie @ I AM (not) said...

We're all in this together! Proud of you! I relate with the tears!

Jen said...

Just wanted to stop by and say HI! I love Brooks shoes! They are wonderful as a Sansa that is what I use to motivate me at the gym!