Friday, January 20, 2012

Easier Said than Done.

I know I am not the only person out there who struggles with this.

My Verse.

If I had to pick a verse that is all mine this would be it. This verse singlehandedly gets me through the toughest times, the most confusing phases and all the stages in between. This verse brings me peace. I have it memorized simply because when my bipolar gemini tendencies jump into play it helps me to focus and remember that God has my back. Even in moments of near panic attack anxiety I recite this to calm myself down. In moments of question, doubt, worry, stress and fear, and definitely when the enemy whispers lies into my ears I remind myself of this.

For I KNOW the plans I have for declares the Lord, plans to PROSPER you, and NOT to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.

So here is the struggle. Perfect example, selling our house. I volley back and forth like a beach ball of emotion. My internal dialogue has multiple personalities that read like a one man play.

"We are never going to sell this house and I need to start accepting how to raise 4 kids in a small space. There are people in China who live in eetsy teeny apartments and you are complaining about 1600 square feet? Do you know how many people would rejoice for 1600 square feet?"

"This house is driving me insane. I can't keep track of anything and we are stuffed to the gills. If I step on another lego I am throwing them all away. Too many toys"

"Toys, maybe I should rent a pod and put up even more toys than I already have. How can I get rid of all of our toys and manage to entertain all these kids?"

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and hope"

"Yes Lord, you know my intentions, you know the desires of my heart. You have perfect timing when we submit to your will. I know you are going to work everything out perfectly so that we don't end up in an apartment or in a home that is not right. Every home that we don't get is not the right home or you would work it out. Thank you for reminding me, I trust you. Lord help me to give it up to you"

"Maybe I should redo the kitchen, I hate those oak cabinets and if there was white cabinets with a white backsplash it would look so clean and crisp. I wonder if that would help. Oh Wait I already decided to wait, Yes wait. Our house has been on the market 3 weeks, Jessica! Three Weeks! That is nothing, what am I stressed out about after 3 weeks? In 60-90 days I will make changes if it is still on the market"

"What am I stressed out about? Oh yeah, showing a house with 4 kids under the age of 4. Yeah that, this is torture, I can't keep this house clean! I need a maid...should I hire someone to come in and clean once a week, maybe Fridays"

"Fridays, its Friday! No showings today? Hmmm, not good. Ahh Friday I have so many costumes to work on for work. Why am I worrying about nonexistent house showings when I have a house to clean, no maid and work to do, no nanny?"

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you (crap is that toast burning?) to give you a future and hope"

"Oh yeah God, thanks again for that reminder, take this stress away, help me to focus on what needs to be done and submit to you, again. Sorry bout that"

Toast is burnt, kids are calling.

Please tell me I am not alone! Why is it so much easier to tell others that God has a perfect plan than to remember it ourselves? Why is it easier to allow a 1000 thoughts to run through our brains at all moments of the day instead of pausing and focusing on what is TRUTH? I guess thats our human nature, the constant battle between flesh and faith. With a good dose of house selling, 4 kids and 1 scatterbrained mom thrown into the mix.

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