Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Adoring Normal

HELLLLOOOOOO. Though it has been just over a week since I posted that Rob was home for a 2 week R&R it feels like so much longer to this blog loving mommy. See, normally consumed with my longing to see Rob, and knowing that he always checks my blog for updates I keep up with it pretty regularly. But consumed with adoring normal, I have failed to write over the past week.

And really that is a good thing for me. There was a time when I became slightly consumed with the internet. One might call it an obsession, one might call it an addiction but I know I was wasting time. Time better spent PLAYING with Max, and before this loverly deployment, actually SPENDING TIME with Rob, not just sitting together in a room each busy with nothing.

So, really when I lost the internet at home almost a month ago it was such a gift from God. See it just stopped working. And when I called Cox they told me my connection was fine so it must be my router. And when I tried to fix it, it was unfixable. Supposed to send it in weeks ago, never did, busied by life, forgetful me. And when Rob finally got home, HE FIXED IT! Without a new router and everything!! See, he really is handy sometimes.

But I realized, without the crutch of the web, I had spent more time living. More time with Max, more time with life, being a better me, a better Mommy, and really feeling better too. What a gift He had given me, a few weeks away from the lure and I feel so much more in control of the internet usage. Don’t get me wrong, I still love me some internet time. But I don’t want my husband or my kids to remember be glued to a computer screen, my back always turned away from them. I would rather look at their faces and remember the expressions.

But I have digressed from the blog path of today. Today I realized that I have spent the last week adoring normal. You know dealing with a deployment is a challenge that I don’t always enjoy. Well duh, you know that, you read my blog! But there is a gift in being separated from your spouse for so long. When they are gone, nothing is normal. Everything is different, harder, takes longer, a battle of the wills, of the mind and definitely of your spirit. What is normal, is not.

You might feel just normal when your husband holds the baby lazily in the morning while you run around like your hair is on fire, getting ready, taming the burning hair, making bottles, packing for daycare, remembering the checkbook, forgetting your cell phone, washing a bottle, searching for a presentable outfit in the messy existence that is always our bedroom. That is normal right? Well when your husband is gone, that is not normal. Take the above list and add back that baby, either playing with things that are definitely NOT TOYS or whining and crying, clinging quite sadly to your pajama hem as you desperately try to distract him just long enough to tame your hair.

So, this week, with Rob actually here, our little family unit complete for a temporary moment, I am ADORING normal. Handing over the baby when his tantrum over a diaper change becomes unbearable. Having a Daddy there to pin Max down for said diaper change. Asking for help, rolling over and seeing Rob’s face, his snuffly snores that never bother me. Making a plan for the day, picking up the phone and being able to call him, instead of obsessively guarding my phone waiting for him to call me. Going to a function as a two parent family, resting my arms as Rob holds the 22 pound dead weight sleeping monster, making breakfast, sharing the TV, the remote, the radio stations. Those things that can be so annoying in normal are so wonderful when normal is a 2 week gift.

I adore normal, and I can’t wait for my new normal to be over, back to this old normal that I love. I do know that new normal (Rob gone) can’t hold a candle to old normal (Rob home) but I also realize that together we do have a new normal (Rob home, Max here)
We are learning to see each other as parents, not only seeing each other as spouses and I LOVE IT. Rob is amazing with Max, and an even better husband to me with Max here. He is loving, and caring, helpful, can de stress me in minutes, and strokes my hair when I am overwhelmed.

Whatever your normal is, embrace it. Don’t look back wishing for normal, when things become not normal.

Adoring normal for another week

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